WASILLA, Alaska – An exhausted Sarah Palin admitted to reporters late last night that she was actually the mastermind behind the Russian invasion of the Crimea. Initially, the seemingly unprovoked incursion of a military force that was almost certainly Russian but carried no national insignia into the Crimea was viewed as a power grab by Russian President Vladimir Putin. After viewing all the flack Putin was receiving however, Palin felt bad and admitted that the whole thing was done on her orders.
“I just wanted the media to stop treating me like an airheaded bimbo,” said a distraught Palin, “and I figured making one of my predictions come true was a good place to start.”
The former vice-presidential candidate was referencing remarks she made in October 2008 where she stated that without strong American response to the Russian war with Georgia, Putin would strike at Ukraine.
Palin hoped that finally being right about something would make the media forget all about her rather memorable list of political gaffes.
“I mean maybe not all of them. I know it will be a long time before the liberal newspaper elites forget about my down-syndrome baby death panel rant,” Palin explained, “but maybe they will forget about some of my smaller ones, like when I called North Korea an American ally.”
Palin did say that she felt bad for putting so much bad press on Putin, a man she claimed to admire due to his willingness to stick it to Obama.
“I had to do what I had to do though, and if this pays off, well maybe I’ll rewrite the constitution so I won’t have been grossly the facts when I told a third grader the vice president is in charge of the Senate,” Palin mused.
