MEDINA, Saudi Arabia – The Kingdom of Saudi Arabia announced today that for the first time in its history, the 150-member Shura Council, an advisory board for the Saudi monarch, will include 20 authority-less women.
“It is important to reconcile Saudi Arabia’s traditional religious views with that of a modern economy” said King Abdullah at the unveiling of the new cabinet, which includes the heavily veiled females. “And to meet that goal, women need to have a seat at the table of government.” Shortly afterward, it was discovered that there were only 130 seats at the King’s table. After a quick vote, the women were forced to stand along the wall in silence for the remainder of the meeting.
“This is a great honor” communicated an anonymous female member of the council Morse code tapped with her foot while her male handler had stepped away. “Surely our presence here will bring great change to this Kingdom even though we are not permitted to speak.”
“When you leave, please take me with you” she added.
Among the duties the women will share will be chairing the Committee of Not Making Eye Contact, the Forbidden to Drive Panel, and the all-important Show Up When the Foreign Press is Here Council.
Some have criticized this move as mere window-dressing. This is typical for the repressive Saudi regime” said Allegra Yutenzsky of the International Women’s Coalition. “They are cutting themselves off from a great resource. Women bring a lot to the table when it comes to far-right-wing religious zealotry. Haven’t they ever heard of Laura Ingraham?”
Following the Saudis’ lead, reports are surfacing that Sierra Leone will attempt to blunt criticism of their use of child soldiers by promoting three nine year olds to the rank of honorary colonel.