SCOTUS Considers Relinquishing Concept of Love to Gays

WASHINGTON — Americans across the country have been intently following a case introduced to the Supreme Court on Tuesday that will determine whether or not gays and lesbians will be given sole access to the concept of love.

The potentially landmark court case follows the passage of a 2008 California referendum that reserves love solely to heterosexual couples. However, attitudes nationwide have changed significantly since then. Young Americans are now heavily supportive of letting homosexuals enjoy love, leaving normal people to experiment with other archetypal emotions that are not yet admissible to the LGBT community, such as prejudice and self-righteousness.

The Supreme Court is still deliberating over arguments from each side, but liberals remain hopeful that its decision will result in a constitutional amendment that relinquishes love to the gays, just as the Thirteenth Amendment gave away all of the freedom that normal people previously enjoyed to African Americans, or as the Nineteenth Amendment sacrificed the suffrage of normals to the female kind.

Recent polls showing that the majority of Americans currently support same-sex marriage indicate that many normal citizens, sensing defeat, are already handing love over to the homosexual beings that happen to occupy their same country, planet, and species.