NewsLo
NewsLo
  • Home
  • Business
    • Accounting
    • Advertising
    • Branding
    • Career
    • Cyber Security
    • Entrepreneur
    • Jobs
    • Management
    • Marketing
    • Non Profit
    • Sales
    • Search Engine Optimization
    • Web Design
  • Finance
    • Banking
    • Bankruptcy
    • Budgeting
    • Credit
    • Debt
    • Estate Wills & Trusts
    • Home Improvements
    • Law
    • Loans
    • Personal Finance
    • Taxes
    • Shopping
  • Investment
    • Crypto Currency
    • Gold & Silver
    • Hard Assets
    • Real Estate
    • Retirement
    • Stocks & Bonds
    • Trading
  • Real Estate
    • Buying
    • Selling
    • Commercial Construction
    • Construction Law
    • Home Improvement
    • Loans
    • Property Management
    • Real Estate Laws
    • Rental Property
  • Insurance
    • Auto Insurance
    • Commercial Real Estate Insurance
    • Crop Insurance
    • Dental Insurance
    • Disability Insurance
    • Health Insurance
    • Home Owners Insurance
    • Identity Theft Protection
    • Insurance Law
    • Investment Insurance
    • Life Insurance
    • Pet Insurance
    • Renters Insurance
  • Contact Us
  • US

SCOTUS Throws Gays a Bone in Attempt to Get Everyone to Quit Harping on Voting Rights Decision

  • June 26, 2013
  • NewsLo
  • One comment
  • 2 minute read
Total
0
Shares
0
0
0

WASHINGTON – The Supreme Court today ruled that the Federal anti-gay marriage law known as DOMA (The Defense Of Marriage Act) was unconstitutional, paving the way for the federal government to recognize legally-performed same-sex marriages. Writing for the majority, Justice Anthony Kennedy said that he hopes today’s decision would get everybody off their back for the previous day’s ruling which effectively gutted the 1965 Voting Rights Act.

“For the past 24 hours, we’ve been ridiculed, lambasted, yelled at, and called unspeakable names just because we enabled racist enclaves to further disenfranchise minority voters,” said Kennedy. “Frankly, I’m hurt. I’m hoping that by ruling for the gays this time, people will cut us some slack.”

Both rulings were 5-4 decisions, with the reliably liberal block of Justices Ginsburg, Breyer, Sotomayor, and Kagan all voting in favor of The Voting Rights Act and against DOMA, while the reliably conservative block of Justices Roberts, Scalia, Thomas, and Alito all voting against VRA and for DOMA. Only Justice Kennedy, long considered both the Court’s main swing vote and a major prima donna who craves attention, voted with both majorities.

Across the country, gay-marriage activists applauded their strategy of flaming Kennedy’s Facebook page and getting #JusticeKennedysucks to trend on Twitter in order to flip the ideologically-vague Justice.

“When I learned that the voting decision was going first, I knew we had a chance,” said Chad Griffin, president of the Human Rights Commission. “Kennedy’s a bit of a sissy and if you goad him enough, he’ll fold like a three dollar bill. Sorry minorities, but having you guys screwed by the Court was the best thing that could’ve happened for us.”

Kennedy, meanwhile, tried to explain the Court’s thinking in the two cases. “While some see our ruling on the Voting Rights Act as a conservative decision and our ruling in the DOMA case as a liberal decision, we disagree,” continued Kennedy. “We see the two cases eerily similar, in that in both decisions, we have chosen to throw out something old and traditional in favor of something new and shiny.”

Standing behind Kennedy, Chief Justice John Roberts gave a snort of derision. “Who’s this ‘we’ you keep talking about, Anthony?” he asked. “We all know you caved from all the mean tweets you were getting. Wimp.”

Justice Stephen Breyer took the moment to interject, “Yesterday all the Democrats hated us, today all the Republicans hate us. So now everybody hates us. Nice going, Anthony. Christ, grow a spine.”

Total
0
Shares
Share 0
Tweet 0
Pin it 0
Related Topics
  • America fuck yeah
  • Chad Griffin
  • DOMA unconstitutional
  • News satire and humor
  • Scotus doma
  • SCOTUS on Doma
NewsLo

Previous Article
Obama Unveils New ‘Screw It’ Approach to Climate Change 1
  • Politics

Obama Unveils New ‘Screw It’ Approach to Climate Change

  • June 26, 2013
  • NewsLo
View Post
Next Article
10 Ways Gay Marriage Will Destroy America 2
  • US

10 Ways Gay Marriage Will Destroy America

  • June 26, 2013
  • NewsLo
View Post
You May Also Like
best franchises to own
View Post
  • US

5 of the Most Lucrative & Best Franchises to Own in 2020

  • NewsLo
  • March 16, 2020
ted cruz religion refugees
View Post
  • Featured
  • Politics
  • US
  • US-Feature

Ted Cruz News: “Helping Texans Is Not Like Helping New Orleans, Hurricane Sandy Was Righteous”

  • NewsLo
  • August 28, 2017
rand paul news
View Post
  • Featured
  • US
  • US-Feature

Rand Paul: “We Don’t Care If Trump Is Found Guilty Of Cheating During Election, He Legally Has The Power To Pardon Himself”

  • NewsLo
  • July 25, 2017
ken ham tax
View Post
  • Featured
  • US
  • US-Feature

Ken Ham: “God Owns All Of Earth And Everything On It Anyway, So Why Should He Pay Tax To Himself? It’s Pointless”

  • NewsLo
  • July 23, 2017
Trump: “Pastor Robertson Is A White Humanity Lover And The Fact That He’s Not Allowed To Say That About Me Is A Violation Of Religious Rights Freedom” 3
View Post
  • Featured
  • Religion
  • US
  • US-Feature

Trump: “Pastor Robertson Is A White Humanity Lover And The Fact That He’s Not Allowed To Say That About Me Is A Violation Of Religious Rights Freedom”

  • NewsLo
  • July 14, 2017
Trump Compares Ivanka To Syrian Children: “She’s Also Suffered A Lot As My Daughter, Had To Move Between Countries All The Time Just Like Them” 4
View Post
  • US
  • Latest Lies
  • Today's Headlines
  • US-Feature

Trump Compares Ivanka To Syrian Children: “She’s Also Suffered A Lot As My Daughter, Had To Move Between Countries All The Time Just Like Them”

  • NewsLo
  • July 9, 2017
allan parker
View Post
  • Featured
  • US
  • US-Feature

Allan Parker: “God Intervened And Prevented Trump’s Mother From Having An Abortion So He Would Become President And Put A Stop To It”

  • NewsLo
  • July 8, 2017
C-SPAN Caller Calls To Outlaw Single Moms Because They Are “Taking Us Back To Caveman Age When Men Just Bred Women” 5
View Post
  • Featured
  • Health
  • US
  • US-Feature

C-SPAN Caller Calls To Outlaw Single Moms Because They Are “Taking Us Back To Caveman Age When Men Just Bred Women”

  • NewsLo
  • July 5, 2017
1 comment
  1. Laura Van Melle says:
    June 12, 2015 at 6:59 pm

    I don’t hate all of the Supreme Court justices, just the ones who ruled that section 4 of the Voting Rights Act is *unconstitutional*. Morons.

    Log in to Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

NewsLo
  • Today’s Headlines
  • Featured
  • US
  • Politics
  • World
  • Media
  • Sports
  • Privacy Policy

Input your search keywords and press Enter.