Scouts Vote to Approve Bisexuals

GRAPEVINE, Tex. — In a surprise “compromise” move, the leaders of the Boy Scouts of America this week voted to change their policy and accept bisexual scouts into the (kerchief) fold. The 1,400 local Scout leaders met outside of Dallas to consider amending their long-standing ban on gay members, but no one expected the intriguing and graphic proposal they generated.

The group had proposed allowing openly queer scouts without retracting its ban on homosexual adult Scout leaders, a suggestion that drew fire from both conservative groups and gay-rights advocates. Spokesman Jared Bryant said the Scouts believe opening their organization to “young campers who like a little of this and a little of that” might appease both sides.

“Lots of things can happen around a campfire, so long as you’re sure the other guy also loves girls. It’s time the Scouts acknowledge that,” Bryant said. “If one of our 16- or 15- or 12-year old scouts has himself a girlfriend, but he wants to fool around with boys on the weekend – I mean, what is camping for?”

The Boy Scouts’ new policy comes with elaborate testing and initiation procedures, which one insider described as “harrowing and hair-raising.” The Scouts had long treated heterosexuality as an integral part of their moral code, and it appears any effort to shift that could have profound implications for their youngest members.

“Of course we’ll have some full-on gay boys trying to pass themselves off as bi,” Bryant said. “Don’t worry – we have a new ritual we call ‘Hair of the Dog’ that should clear that right up.”

The Scouts plan to introduce a new “Switch Hitter” merit badge in the fall.