Seamless and Grubhub to Introduce Spoon-Feeding Service

NEW YORK — The highly competitive food delivery service industry is heating up faster than a tortilla in that machine they use at Chipotle. Seamless and Grubhub, both leaders in the business, are set to expand their capabilities with the introduction of professional spoon feeders who will personally accompany each and every order.

The two new businesses already allow anyone in their service area to place delivery orders online with never-before-seen convenience. Users can browse thousands of menus, customize orders at their leisure, pay online, track every delivery and even win free food items. Starting this spring in select cities, these same customers will no longer have to raise a finger once their food arrives.

A wide variety of feeding options are available and can be selected online during the meal, with the information immediately sent to the spoon feeder sitting beside, behind or on the lap of each eater. Customers can select bite size, sandwich angle, and even choose luxury items like chopsticks or sporks (which are typically 50 cents extra).

Spoon-feeding is expected to be available in all current service areas by the year’s end. By that time, however, experts believe the industry will have changed so drastically that even spoon-feeding will be considered burdensome and archaic.

Seamless has invested millions in research and development for its highly anticipated intravenous feeding option, which would pump nutrients directly into users’ bodies as they went about their daily activities. This, of course, would ideally be complemented by a side order of neurological electrodes to stimulate taste receptors.

GrubHub is taking a different route, and plans to offer poop coaches and bottom wipers as soon as possible.