Sean Hannity’s Apocalyptic Narrative of an Obama Reelection

NEW YORK — In preparation for a close election one of FOX News’s most extreme pundits and commentators, Sean Hannity, is hard at work constructing his narrative for a possible Obama reelection. There is no doubt that his coverage will be both “Fair and Balanced,” meaning that it will receive fair ratings and balanced time allotted to long winded speeches of America’s inevitable downfall and the horrifying effects of voter fraud, which are known to sway the election by a staggering .0000001%. If not for Fox News’s bold stance against these lying powers that cripple the “true America,” what other network would be brave enough to cover the real issues that plague this upcoming election.

In Hannity’s opinion a win for Obama would be a direct attack against the integrity of the Fox News network. As Hannity has often said, “The Obama administration has long been conducting a witch hunt against the only truth tellers in the media,” which is to say, Fox News. As everyone knows, Fox News does not broadcast for the money, but simply tries to create a better America for the children. The fact that Rupert Murdoch owns nearly 30% of the media and makes over $3 billion a year is just a necessary part of saving the American people. Murdoch could have just grabbed an institutionalized maniac, but today’s Fox News network only hires the highest quality insane people, individuals who have long standing experience in the punditry industry and are willing to write “I will say anything you tell me to” on their CVs.

Hannity’s reaction will be a much-needed shot of reality, making straight this maze of political lies. Hannity stays true to Fox News’s simple and ethical business strategy: fear sells. So if Obama wins this year’s election and Americans choose to watch Sean Hannity’s coverage in the apocalyptic aftermath, then they may want to pop a few Xanax to get you through the show.

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1 Comment

  • Sean Hannity ASSessment
    Posted November 17, 2012 at 12:43 am 0Likes

    douchebag

    The term “douchebag” generally refers to a male
    with a certain combination of obnoxious characteristics related to
    attitude, social ineptitude, public behavior, or outward presentation.

    Though
    the common douchebag thinks he is accepted by the people around him,
    most of his peers dislike him. He has an inflated sense of self-worth,
    compounded by a lack of social grace and self-awareness. He behaves
    inappropriately in public, yet is completely ignorant to how pathetic he
    appears to others.

    He often talks about how cool, successful,
    and popular he is, yet never catches on to the fact that he comes across
    as a total loser. Nevertheless, he firmly believes that he is the
    smartest, most desirable, and most charming person in the room… and
    will try to bad-rep anyone who would threaten to expose this facade.

    He
    fancies himself a ladies’ man, yet tends to be a joke to all but the
    most naive of women. He tries to portray himself as part of the in-crowd
    (a fashionista, an upwardly mobile professional, the life of the party,
    etc.) but only succeeds in his own mind.

    To everyone else, he is
    an annoying and arrogant phony who comes across as a wannabe
    overcompensating for his insecurities. He tries to appear like the
    center of whatever group will tolerate him, but in reality, he is just a
    tag-along who mooches drinks, women, contacts, social standing, and
    other benefits from the group… while contributing nothing.

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