NewsLo
  • Today’s Headlines
  • Featured
  • US
  • Politics
  • World
  • Media
  • Sports
  • Privacy Policy
Subscribe
NewsLo
NewsLo
  • Home
  • Business
    • Accounting
    • Advertising
    • Branding
    • Career
    • Customer Service
    • Cyber Security
    • Entrepreneur
    • Jobs
    • Management
    • Marketing
    • Non Profit
    • Search Engine Optimization
    • Sales
    • Web Design
  • Finance
    • Banking
    • Bankruptcy
    • Budgeting
    • Credit
    • Debt
    • Estate Wills & Trusts
    • Home Improvements
    • Law
    • Loans
    • Personal Finance
    • Taxes
    • Shopping
  • Investment
    • Crypto Currency
    • Gold & Silver
    • Hard Assets
    • Real Estate
    • Retirement
    • Stocks & Bonds
    • Trading
  • Real Estate
    • Buying
    • Selling
    • Commercial Construction
    • Construction Law
    • Home Improvement
    • Loans
    • Property Management
    • Real Estate Laws
    • Rental Property
  • Insurance
    • Auto Insurance
    • Commercial Real Estate Insurance
    • Crop Insurance
    • Dental Insurance
    • Disability Insurance
    • Health Insurance
    • Home Owners Insurance
    • Identity Theft Protection
    • Insurance Law
    • Investment Insurance
  • Contact Us
  • Politics

Sen. Kaine Speaks Spanish on Senate Floor, Destroying America as We Know It

  • June 13, 2013
  • News Lo
Total
0
Shares
0
0
0

WASHINGTON – The United States of America came to an abrupt end Tuesday afternoon, as Sen. Tim Kaine (D-Va.) took to the Senate floor to deliver a speech entirely in Spanish. The 232-year-old nation ceased to exist as its founding documents self-destructed, its most cherished monuments crumbled, and its political system instantly morphed into totalitarian communism.

“I’m so sorry for what I’ve done,” said a distraught Sen. Kaine, after realizing that by uttering words in Spanish on the Senate floor he had unwittingly cast a magical spell that blackened the core of America. “I just wanted to be welcoming and inclusive,” Sen. Kaine—who learned to speak Spanish while living in Honduras—said. “I should have listened to Rush [Limbaugh]!”

Officials at the National Archives reported that, at the moment Sen. Kaine began his speech, the original copy of the Constitution of the United States of America spontaneously combusted, leaving only a pile of ashy, broken Freedom in its place. Witnesses say that the nation’s grandest symbols—including the Statue of Liberty and the Lincoln Memorial—came tumbling to the ground as soon as Sen. Kaine betrayed his country by saying some words in a language other than English, which America inherited from the United Kingdom.

Sen. Kaine’s speech—which pledged his support for a bipartisan immigration reform bill now before the Senate, and hoped that America would become a “country of laws, but also of justice and equality”—also ushered in a thousand-year reign of brutal communism—a natural byproduct, along with homicide, of speaking Spanish publicly, according to prominent Tea Party leader Larry Korkmas.

White House Press Secretary Jay Carney responded to the end of America by admitting that President Obama knowingly encouraged Sen. Kaine to deliver his speech in Spanish.

“Welp—there’s no use hiding our plot now,” Carney said amidst the smoldering ruins of the once-sacrosanct White House. “This is exactly what we’ve been planning all along. Now that we’ve managed to destroy America as we know it, the time has come to begin the War on White People. And what a war it will be—wait to you see our all-gay, all-minority, latte-sipping Army.”

Total
0
Shares
Share 0
Tweet 0
Pin it 0
Related Topics
  • news humor and satire
  • Spanish on senate floor
  • Spanish speaking senators
  • Tim Kaine Senator
  • Tim Kaine Spanish
  • Tim Kaine speaks spanish
Avatar of News Lo
News Lo

Welcome to Newslo! Our team of dedicated authors strives to deliver the latest and most important info on finance while infusing a dose of our own style to give you a unique experience. Whether you're looking for in-depth discussions on investments or solid finance tips, we have something for everyone. Our goal is to deliver you the best possible content. So, keep reading our articles and give us your feedback!

Previous Article
  • NoNeedToSatirize

#NoNeedToSatirize: Robertson tells viewer disaster prophets are ‘nutty’

  • June 13, 2013
  • News Lo
View Post
Next Article
sp
  • US

More People Relying on Cold, Indifferent Internet to Form Lifelong Relationships

  • June 13, 2013
  • News Lo
View Post
1 comment
  1. Jayson Jones says:
    December 18, 2014 at 5:29 pm

    if intelligent women need to make comments make sure its not a stupid comment.

Comments are closed.

NewsLo
  • Today’s Headlines
  • Featured
  • US
  • Politics
  • World
  • Media
  • Sports
  • Privacy Policy
Navigating the world of finance, one step at a time.

Input your search keywords and press Enter.