Sen. Lindsay Graham to Appear on TLC Taboo, Admit Strange Love Affair with War

WASHINGTON — America will finally be able to see different side of Sen. Lindsay Graham (R-S.C.) when he appears on an upcoming episode of the hit television show, Taboo.

The TLC program features individuals with strange interests and addictions, and Graham will share discuss his love of war during the program.

“It’s like a real-life video game, only no one that I know personally gets killed or injured,” Graham explained. “It’s even more fun than my money baths.”

On the upcoming episode, the senator explains how much fun it is to designate which countries the U.S. should go to war with.

“Well, we have to make sure people think their leaders are crazy and evil, even if once were friendly with them,” Graham said. “I remember one time we made everyone think that one poor country had all of these huge weapons, I think we called them ‘weapons of mass destruction’ or something hokey like that. Of course they didn’t have any, but everyone bought it and we got to invade anyway. It was really neat.”

When the wars start, Graham tends to wear his G.I. Joe pajamas and sit in front of the television all day, eating nothing but gummy bears. No one is allowed to talk to him while he is watching war coverage, and he explained that the wars give him a warm and tingling feeling in parts of his body.
“I’m really, really excited about unlocking our real potential, by which I mean starting a war with another country. Wouldn’t it be neat if we could bomb North Korea? Or, even cooler, launching a large-scale ground offensive like at the beginning of World War II. Wasn’t that neat when our guys had to storm the beach while people shot at them? I would love to see that again,” Graham said.

During times of peace, Graham said he is prone to become angry and agitated, but he tries to cheer himself up by doing things like cutting Food Stamps and trying to deport legal and illegal immigrants.

“It’s not the same,” Graham lamented. “I really, really hope we can start a war with Iran soon. Can we? It’s perfect. It sounds just like Iraq and most Americans don’t know the difference. They just know that they are evil and need to be destroyed. We must attack! We must attack! Get me some gummi bears!”