TULSA, Okla. — Republican Senator James Inhofe spoke out today against the scientific challenges theory of gravity and what he called “secular extremists taking God out physics and quantum gravity,” calling for an investigation into the infiltration of “pagan gravitationists” within the Federal Government.
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“These people hate God, and are forcing their radical, non-Christian views on your children!” Warned Inhofe at a hastily-called press conference at the First Evangelical Church of Jesus Christ Our Savior. “This so-called ‘challenges theory of gravity’ is nothing less than the second greatest hoax scientists have ever pulled on the good people of Oklahoma. The first, of course, being global warming. Or evolution. I forget which.”
Challenges Theory of Gravity in Teaching Controversy
Inhofe demanded that schools begin “teaching the controversy” with regards to challenges theory of gravity. “Allow both sides of this debate equal time in the classroom and let the children decide. It’s the American way.”
The senator then announced that he would be proposing new legislation which would require textbooks to include alternate explanations for why we don’t just drift off into space willy-nilly to be included in mandated curriculum. “If liberals want their kids to hear about fringe, unproven concepts like challenges theory of gravity or evolution or math, they can start their own darn schools!”
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With Senator Inhofe at the press conference was Gus Hornsby, family man, farmer, and part-time pastor at the newly-formed Church Of The Unholy Inhale in nearby Sapulpa, Oklahoma. “Scientists want to teach your children that gravity is nothing more than two particles of matter attracting one another with a force directly proportional to the product of their masses and inversely proportional to the square of the distance between them!” he cried out, grabbing the microphone out of Inhofe’s hands.
The Good Book Teaches Us
“That’s a load of horsepucky! The Good Book teaches us that we remain glued to the Earth’s surface because Satan is forever sucking in his breath, pulling us closer and closer to the fires of Hell below challenges theory of gravity. It is only by the grace of God that He chose to cover the molten core of Earth with a crust, thereby creating a layer of salvation between His children and eternal damnation.”
Hornsby then launched into a sermon damning basements, below-ground swimming pools, and deep, open pits while Inhofe smiled and nodded.
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98 Comments
Ken Gulley
I don’t believe this. It has to be a joke. No one can be this stupid. If this is religion, you can have it. “…let the children decide. It’s the American way.” SINCE WHEN? Yeah, and Rocky the squirrel can fly and talks to a moose. These people should be locked away in a padded cell. This can’t be real. If its real we’re doomed. These morons are worse than any fucking “Satan.” Ridiculous!
Kenneth Kalligher
WOW! These guys are really nut cases. It is scary…they are like the Ayatollahs, that’s not his job…it is called government, not religion. We are worried about NSA? These are the nuts we have to worry about…back to the past! SCARY!
Ammie Lake
Gravity is a theory? Teachers are forcing children to learn what Satan wants them to? How’s this I’m atheist & church people made me that way! Put that in your pipe & choke on that GOP
Kyle McNellis
at least Christians admit to being sinners. Atheists claim morality with no rule book. It is different for all. That is why Godless countries have sordid history. Yah yah. so do Christians. we don’t claim diffeerent beliefs are idiots and strip their rights in the name of seperation while ignoring founding fathers
Dan Cohenour
How do these people(if you’ll pardon the expression) get elected?
Richard Toops
I’m going to look that church up…
Alice Fontaine Dennehy
I’m speechless Oklahoma you can have him nobody else wants him good luck to that kind of craziness
Charles Almon
This just in. “Inhofe buys shares in a CEMENT SHOE factory,”!
Nancy Thorgaard
I just found out that Newslo is a satirical magazine. I feel stupid now.
Alexandra Ormsby
Only part of this story is a hoax, most of it is true. Fundamentalists are vastly against science and climate change. That’s a fact.
Kyndal A. Wilmoth
ha ha good joke ,,,,,, yeah.
Dana Douglas
What’s even funnier than the article is all the commenters taking it seriously! No wonder we’re in deep doodoo.
David Sheridan
No wonder this country is in such dire straits. People that can’t recognize satire when they see it sure as hell can’t recognize propaganda.
Ronni Sorensen
I saw this on my friends Facebook and right after I had started reading I stopped and looked at the titles of the other articles, to find out what kind of website this actually was. The saddest part is that things have gotten so out of hand, that people can actually believe what it says is the opinion of a politician :/ THAT is scary as hell to me. Funny article though.
James Edward Baumgarner
But I’ve been so drunk that I had to hold on to the grass to keep from falling off !!!
Paula Alderson Beard
Church of the Unholy Inhale was a pretty good hint.
Reginald Santos
If he is challenging the Theory of Gravity, why won’t he jump off the Empire State Building? And perhaps, trust god that he won’t let him die. Besides, gravity for him is just a ‘radical’ theory, isn’t? 😀
On the other news, the aliens from Mars already concluded that their Theory of Intelligent Beings on Earth is actually false.
Jon Bautista
Never go full retard. This guy’s a joke and makes Christianity look bad.
Craig Shoosmith
Santa, The Tooth Fairy, Alien Abductions, God. It’s all the same nonsense to me. But I didn’t need School to ‘Teach’ me that. I formed my own opinions with my own open mind. Nobody tells ME what to believe. That would be brainwashing plain & simple. Nobody should be subjected to that.
Ann Palmer
I’m thinking dementia or Alzheimer’s.
Melvin L. Pratt
Gravity…..gee, how hard could that be. Hey, I know, take him to the side of a tall building, demonstrate to him how he can fall up. If he is still confused, take him to the top of the tall building, demonstrate how he can fall down, this should clear his confusion.
Sam Chatoyant
Ethos is NOT satire! It is tit for tat. The Rethuglicans keep making up shit about us, turn about is fair play.
Josh Rowe
Makes me sad to be both Republican and Christian. To the best of my knowledge, the Bible does not say anything close to that, if it did, it would be in Genesis, which begins with “In the begining, there was nothing. Then there was the Word, and the Word was God.” It goes on to say that the Earth was “created in six days and on the seventh He rested.” It says nothing about gravity from what I can remember. Let us not forget that Satan is actually a fallen angel named Lucifer who had led other angels against God because they felt wronged by Him because we humans were His “favorites” and were given free will. This revolt happened after God created the Earth and Mankind. So, how would gravity be Satan constantly sucking in when we were “stuck” on the ground *Before* Satan was sent to Hell?
Ken Bingham
There is a theory that matter does not pull us to the ground but instead the fabric of space is warped by matter and we are in fact pushed against the Earth by the fabric of space.
Todd Ringling
the sad thing isn’t that this is a satirical article, it’s that given the antics of the far right religious wing of the Republican party and their efforts to dilute science w/ stuff like this, and a reader could probably see Inofe doing this.
Rory Lance
If he truly had faith in his beliefs, he would jump out the window, (preferably, from a high floor) and count how many angels it took to catch him or at least dance on the top of a pin…head.
Catharine Volpe
Senator Inhofe most likely will oppose the very scientific theory regarding light and sound blockage, that the more your head is up your backside the more oxygen deprived the individual becomes, symptoms include 1.inability to see the light 2. inability to hear rational explanation 3.inability to process critical thinking resulting in a severe cast of S T U P I D I T Y.
Norma Pezikian
“Allow both sides of this debate equal time in the classroom and let the children decide. It’s the American way.”.
Definitely two sides to this debate – I think we should give each child – oh – let’s see now – an apple perhaps? and let them decide if the following two sides are true…
Side 1 – what goes up.
Side 2 – must come down.
See more at: https://politicot.com/senator-challenges-theory-of-gravity-demands-schools-teach-both-sides/#sthash.KeVyVQAg.dpuf.
Carlos J. Licea
The solon is correct. We are stuck to the arth because the GOP sucking our intelligence out if our heads with a world size vacuum cleaner does the job of intelligent design.
Joseph Burbidge
people like this are almost proof of Reincarnation. they’ve come back in the 21st century but still live in the 11th.
John W Speight
Does this guy actually have a brain?
John Brost
This is obviously a parody or something.
Leroy Hamilton
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
Cameron Hood
Moron…
Kyle McNellis
Mark, I was aware of your beliefs but you don’t consistently tell me That I am an idiot for different views by posting a dozen articles in a forum where a large group of people who have opposing views get disparaged by the content. I do not share Christian or GOP articles on Facebook or anywhere. I do respond when confronted though
Tom Moe
I think that you miss the point that, while it is satire, it is offensive. Can we make fun of a group of minorities by posting inaccurate statements about them and then say, “its only satire.” Either make an effort to understand Creation, which the author clearly does not, or keep your ugly implications to yourself.
Kyle McNellis
mark, I am open to other religions or lack of. Brett regularly bashes Christians and. conservatives up to a dozen times a day. we all get it. the biggest case against Christianity is Christians. just look at posts today. Christian groups do much good for the poor who have no one to help, even if they beliieve differently. My beliefs are not uncommon nor is my dissatisfaction with our economy and admin policies. how can anyone agree with everything going on. Anywap, no hard feelings about my comments, I hope. I get a kick out of your comments.
Lee Shapiro
“Gravity sucks….so do politicians.”
– – Lee Shapiro, family man, farmer, and part-time rabbi at the newly-formed Synagogue Of The Kosher Inhale in nearby Seattle, WA ;).
Bill Knippel
Did some reading up on this guy and he’s definitely a whack job. This may be a non worthy news site but a quote is still a quote. Pretty consistent with his view of global warming and most science altogether.
Kyle McNellis
glad this is satire. obviously a conservative wouldn’t subscribe or find enjoyable. I’m sure Obama gets his share. Where is the satire about blacks, Jews and Muslims? They would understand, just harmless fund Make fun of Gays and unions too. Funny when is a group you call intolerant. Try the others and learn about tolerance.
Susan Skorc
I don’t think I have ever read anything so stupid in my life. Where did this guy get his education, if he even got one? Unbleepingbelievable.
Kyle McNellis
sounds like another unfounded story. He could have never gotten elected with these views. Christianity has no problem with science as it only explains how God created our universe. We just aren’t Gods because he gave us a brain smart enough to figure it out. There is no open carry in a bar…by the way. Along the same lines asandatory euthanasia in Obama care. Explain that one.
Linda Martin
if this is a parody, why doesn’t Inhofe sue…..I would. I am thinking that this is mostly true with the writers little input.
Buddy James Fazzio
It was funnier when The Onion did this story earlier and used the term “Intelligent Falling”!
Mary Faye King
What’s sad is that pronouncements this nutty are par for the course from the right wing.
Vicki Trusselli
he is insane and so is the church and I do think there is some inbreeding going on in their family.
Wendy Drury
Shared this to my FB. Half my “friends” will think its real. *LOL*
Bill Letourneau
Never thought I would agree with James Inhofe a republican on any front, but his one comment about: “Scientists want to teach your children that gravity is nothing more than two particles of matter attracting one another with a force directly proportional to the product of their masses, I agree with his assessment on that point, but the force whatever it may be, is inversely proportional to the square of the distance between them! It’s in the math. The electro-magnetic phenomenon is the operating force of this universe, and our attraction to this earth is a function of it!
Karen McGinnis
OMGoodness! You are kidding, right?
Kyle McNellis
meant mandatory euthanasia. Who could read it before the vote. Not Nancy Pelosi.
Robin Hardison
WOW! What is wrong with these people?
Joe L Francuz
I know he sounds nuts…but isn’t it still Einstein’s “Theory of Relativity”? I’m just sayin.
Richard Lipke
This can’t be serious.Really?
Tracy Gordon
I am curious if any of you clicked the “Show Fact Button”. the only “Fact” is the guys name….
Paula J. White
Well, I fell for it for a short time but Inhofe is an ass anyway and it just did not surprise me that much!
Paul Shoffner
“When you wage war on the public schools, you’re attacking the mortar that holds the community together. You’re not a conservative, you’re a vandal.” -Garrison Keillor
“No school can supply an anti-liberal education, or a fascist education, as these terms are contradictory. Liberalism and education are one.”
― George Seldes
John Adrian
this has to be satire, surely?
Bill O'Rourke
Here’s a very old saying, “An Irishman is never drunk as long as he can hold onto one blade of grass to keep from falling off the face of the Earth. Funny story, too bad some people will take it seriously.
Nancy Thorgaard
What is his “other side” of gravity? The theory of floating into space? I would like the good Senator Imhofe to jump off a 20 story building to prove he won’t fall toward the Earth.
Barbara Griffiths
what a complete and utter plonker
Susan Wood
There is no satire so ridiculously heavy-handed that some people won’t get fooled. However, what’s more revealing is how they react when they get fooled. I see people expressing sadness at Inhofe’s supposed lack of religious knowledge, but I don’t see anyone calling for his assassination, the death and/or deportation of his entire family and everyone else of “his kind,” accusing him of treason, terrorism, etc. etc. etc. I mention this because awhile ago the satirical site National Report ran a story about President Obama that fooled Fox New and a lot of others, and prompted all of the reactions I mentioned above.
Kate Moore
So, I searched a bit—this site is ‘a blend of fact and satire.’ How to tell? What is the fact and what is the satire here? And, for that matter, what about this one—also from this site? https://politicot.com/nnts-ted-cruz-obama-will-start-quartering-soldiers-in-peoples-homes-soon/
Butch Pahel
Hey Jim and Gus…first I will say you are both crazier that batfuck and ask you if you know or have you ever talked to anyone that has had personal contact with this Jesus guy or his dad..I bet you are both Sid Roth followers….you sound about as luny as him…If there is a God….he is probably going to call you home soon…get ready for the Rapture…dumb asses
Tom Lloyd
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jim_Inhofe
David M. Dabney
Ummm.. anyone else noting the sheer amount of CrayCray coming out of Oklahoma in the past few days? I mean… it’s getting to the point that when you see ‘R-OK’ behind a name in parentheses, you just KNOW they ain’t. Not. Even. Close.
Sadly, STILL can’t tell if this is satire or fact. Lemme check FOX News. If they say it’s a lie, then ya KNOW it’s on the money.
Michael Schlabig
as he’s jumping off a cliff be sure and yell to reassure him that gravity is only a theory folks! It’s not real or anything you won’t fall!
Kate Moore
this is a satire, isn’t it? Every now and then they catch me. tsk. If there is any chance it isn’t satire, I would only ask Mr. Inhofe to prove his hypothesis by jumping off the roof of a skyscraper.
Jim Goble
This can’t be serious–can it? If it is, let’s turn off gravity for long enough to let Inhofe fly into space, without oxygen of course (that isn’t in the Bible either.)
Nancy Argenziano
Its so close to the absurdity we see from them all the time, so who can be sure its satire?
Willa Gabrielle Cartwright
The sad thing about this is that everyone can imagine a republican or a tea-party member doing this …. and meaning it.
Deborah McGregor
Gravity–Clearly lacking in this modern GOP.
Marianne Oudshoorn
Send im to the moon, I bet he confirms gravity when he returns…lol
Debbie Johns
These people are getting more fucking stupid by the day.
Eldred Fuchs
Wait, let’s be fair. What’s the “other side”?
William Ward
What a moron from the party of Stupid!!!
Rich Wilson
Please tell me this is like the Onion.
Jolenta Averill
ROFLMAO!!!
Jim Mandigo
Come on people. Lighten up! This is a riot…..
June Neal Weston
He is such an embarrassment!
Avery Owen
Impressive! I see there are some Faux News viewers that actually think this satire is real! Pure unadulterated madness! Man these dim of wit, mouth breathing, knuckle dragging, didn’t read the Bible but believe everything my pastor and any Republi-cult member says are the root cause the world is laughing at us!
Xenubarb Goromasu
It may interest you to know that Scientology Operating Thetans are assigned the task of keeping stuff from floating away into space. Every one of them is responsible for thousands of people.
Joel Bruce
While it is clear that this article is satire it exemplifies the nut cases that want us to believe that scientific discovery is only “opinion”. This is exactly the same logic that prompts thousands of people to believe global warming either doesn’t exist or it is not caused by man and that there is no such thing as evolution. It might be satire but it follows that line of thinking so closely that it absolutely looks like a serious article.
Greg Carlson
These satire news sites funny and all but really becoming all too common. This was a funny article, but honestly..it really is becoming increasingly difficult to tell the difference between satire and fact with the current radical right wing republican party!
Max Butler
next thing you know the ultra conservative tea partiers will be burning people at the stake for sneezing in public or crucifing people for stepping on cracks in the sidewalk………. this kind of news reporting is so lame and the reporters are as guilty for giving credence to it.
Steven Zimmerman
I thought it was real until half-way through. I’m betting most people that felt it was real didn’t have the attention span to read beyond the first paragraph….or they rushed off to Facebook to share this article in a huff before finishing.
Lisa Morgan
What is sad is people like this moron reproduce and screw up their kids’ minds.
Jenna Reece
Completely wasn’t sure this was a joke until about halfway through. Nice.
Harold 'Russ' Aylsworth
Oh my God! I don’t know if it’s in the water or in the air, maybe it’s in our food, but there sure is a whole bunch of stupid going around. There’s just a complete lack of common sense. Maybe an apple fell out of a tree and hit him on the head, or he just sucks like the devil!
Bob Rouw
What are these people smoking?
Nadav Keidan
Can anyone direct me to the specific phrases in the “Good Book” that give this explanation?
Scott Dumdei
The really funny things is that idiots like this get elected in the first place!
Keith McManus
people take it seriously because it’s entirely plausible.
Andy Sharkbait-Oohhahhah Ewen
I think Church of the Unholy Nature Theory would have been better.
Steven Williamson
what’s with the two buttons “show facts and hide facts’?
John Oliver
who would be surprised!
Barbara Carey
And the earth is flat.
Sol Goode
yes but this is true he did go on record and demand this im in his district 🙁
Karl Sklar
Surely this is a parody. Nobody can be this stupid.
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