TULSA, Okla. — Republican Senator James Inhofe spoke out today against the scientific challenges theory of gravity and what he called “secular extremists taking God out physics and quantum gravity,” calling for an investigation into the infiltration of “pagan gravitationists” within the Federal Government.
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“These people hate God, and are forcing their radical, non-Christian views on your children!” Warned Inhofe at a hastily-called press conference at the First Evangelical Church of Jesus Christ Our Savior. “This so-called ‘challenges theory of gravity’ is nothing less than the second greatest hoax scientists have ever pulled on the good people of Oklahoma. The first, of course, being global warming. Or evolution. I forget which.”
Challenges Theory of Gravity in Teaching Controversy
Inhofe demanded that schools begin “teaching the controversy” with regards to challenges theory of gravity. “Allow both sides of this debate equal time in the classroom and let the children decide. It’s the American way.”
The senator then announced that he would be proposing new legislation which would require textbooks to include alternate explanations for why we don’t just drift off into space willy-nilly to be included in mandated curriculum. “If liberals want their kids to hear about fringe, unproven concepts like challenges theory of gravity or evolution or math, they can start their own darn schools!”
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With Senator Inhofe at the press conference was Gus Hornsby, family man, farmer, and part-time pastor at the newly-formed Church Of The Unholy Inhale in nearby Sapulpa, Oklahoma. “Scientists want to teach your children that gravity is nothing more than two particles of matter attracting one another with a force directly proportional to the product of their masses and inversely proportional to the square of the distance between them!” he cried out, grabbing the microphone out of Inhofe’s hands.
The Good Book Teaches Us
“That’s a load of horsepucky! The Good Book teaches us that we remain glued to the Earth’s surface because Satan is forever sucking in his breath, pulling us closer and closer to the fires of Hell below challenges theory of gravity. It is only by the grace of God that He chose to cover the molten core of Earth with a crust, thereby creating a layer of salvation between His children and eternal damnation.”
Hornsby then launched into a sermon damning basements, below-ground swimming pools, and deep, open pits while Inhofe smiled and nodded.
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99 comments
What’s even funnier than the article is all the commenters taking it seriously! No wonder we’re in deep doodoo.
No wonder this country is in such dire straits. People that can’t recognize satire when they see it sure as hell can’t recognize propaganda.
I saw this on my friends Facebook and right after I had started reading I stopped and looked at the titles of the other articles, to find out what kind of website this actually was. The saddest part is that things have gotten so out of hand, that people can actually believe what it says is the opinion of a politician :/ THAT is scary as hell to me. Funny article though.
But I’ve been so drunk that I had to hold on to the grass to keep from falling off !!!
Church of the Unholy Inhale was a pretty good hint.
If he is challenging the Theory of Gravity, why won’t he jump off the Empire State Building? And perhaps, trust god that he won’t let him die. Besides, gravity for him is just a ‘radical’ theory, isn’t? 😀
On the other news, the aliens from Mars already concluded that their Theory of Intelligent Beings on Earth is actually false.
Never go full retard. This guy’s a joke and makes Christianity look bad.
Santa, The Tooth Fairy, Alien Abductions, God. It’s all the same nonsense to me. But I didn’t need School to ‘Teach’ me that. I formed my own opinions with my own open mind. Nobody tells ME what to believe. That would be brainwashing plain & simple. Nobody should be subjected to that.
I’m thinking dementia or Alzheimer’s.
Gravity…..gee, how hard could that be. Hey, I know, take him to the side of a tall building, demonstrate to him how he can fall up. If he is still confused, take him to the top of the tall building, demonstrate how he can fall down, this should clear his confusion.
Ethos is NOT satire! It is tit for tat. The Rethuglicans keep making up shit about us, turn about is fair play.
Makes me sad to be both Republican and Christian. To the best of my knowledge, the Bible does not say anything close to that, if it did, it would be in Genesis, which begins with “In the begining, there was nothing. Then there was the Word, and the Word was God.” It goes on to say that the Earth was “created in six days and on the seventh He rested.” It says nothing about gravity from what I can remember. Let us not forget that Satan is actually a fallen angel named Lucifer who had led other angels against God because they felt wronged by Him because we humans were His “favorites” and were given free will. This revolt happened after God created the Earth and Mankind. So, how would gravity be Satan constantly sucking in when we were “stuck” on the ground *Before* Satan was sent to Hell?
There is a theory that matter does not pull us to the ground but instead the fabric of space is warped by matter and we are in fact pushed against the Earth by the fabric of space.
the sad thing isn’t that this is a satirical article, it’s that given the antics of the far right religious wing of the Republican party and their efforts to dilute science w/ stuff like this, and a reader could probably see Inofe doing this.
If he truly had faith in his beliefs, he would jump out the window, (preferably, from a high floor) and count how many angels it took to catch him or at least dance on the top of a pin…head.
Senator Inhofe most likely will oppose the very scientific theory regarding light and sound blockage, that the more your head is up your backside the more oxygen deprived the individual becomes, symptoms include 1.inability to see the light 2. inability to hear rational explanation 3.inability to process critical thinking resulting in a severe cast of S T U P I D I T Y.
“Allow both sides of this debate equal time in the classroom and let the children decide. It’s the American way.”.
Definitely two sides to this debate – I think we should give each child – oh – let’s see now – an apple perhaps? and let them decide if the following two sides are true…
Side 1 – what goes up.
Side 2 – must come down.
See more at: https://politicot.com/senator-challenges-theory-of-gravity-demands-schools-teach-both-sides/#sthash.KeVyVQAg.dpuf.
The solon is correct. We are stuck to the arth because the GOP sucking our intelligence out if our heads with a world size vacuum cleaner does the job of intelligent design.
people like this are almost proof of Reincarnation. they’ve come back in the 21st century but still live in the 11th.
Does this guy actually have a brain?
This is obviously a parody or something.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
Moron…
I don’t believe this. It has to be a joke. No one can be this stupid. If this is religion, you can have it. “…let the children decide. It’s the American way.” SINCE WHEN? Yeah, and Rocky the squirrel can fly and talks to a moose. These people should be locked away in a padded cell. This can’t be real. If its real we’re doomed. These morons are worse than any fucking “Satan.” Ridiculous!
Mark, I was aware of your beliefs but you don’t consistently tell me That I am an idiot for different views by posting a dozen articles in a forum where a large group of people who have opposing views get disparaged by the content. I do not share Christian or GOP articles on Facebook or anywhere. I do respond when confronted though
I think that you miss the point that, while it is satire, it is offensive. Can we make fun of a group of minorities by posting inaccurate statements about them and then say, “its only satire.” Either make an effort to understand Creation, which the author clearly does not, or keep your ugly implications to yourself.
mark, I am open to other religions or lack of. Brett regularly bashes Christians and. conservatives up to a dozen times a day. we all get it. the biggest case against Christianity is Christians. just look at posts today. Christian groups do much good for the poor who have no one to help, even if they beliieve differently. My beliefs are not uncommon nor is my dissatisfaction with our economy and admin policies. how can anyone agree with everything going on. Anywap, no hard feelings about my comments, I hope. I get a kick out of your comments.
WOW! These guys are really nut cases. It is scary…they are like the Ayatollahs, that’s not his job…it is called government, not religion. We are worried about NSA? These are the nuts we have to worry about…back to the past! SCARY!
“Gravity sucks….so do politicians.”
– – Lee Shapiro, family man, farmer, and part-time rabbi at the newly-formed Synagogue Of The Kosher Inhale in nearby Seattle, WA ;).
Did some reading up on this guy and he’s definitely a whack job. This may be a non worthy news site but a quote is still a quote. Pretty consistent with his view of global warming and most science altogether.
glad this is satire. obviously a conservative wouldn’t subscribe or find enjoyable. I’m sure Obama gets his share. Where is the satire about blacks, Jews and Muslims? They would understand, just harmless fund Make fun of Gays and unions too. Funny when is a group you call intolerant. Try the others and learn about tolerance.
Gravity is a theory? Teachers are forcing children to learn what Satan wants them to? How’s this I’m atheist & church people made me that way! Put that in your pipe & choke on that GOP
I don’t think I have ever read anything so stupid in my life. Where did this guy get his education, if he even got one? Unbleepingbelievable.
sounds like another unfounded story. He could have never gotten elected with these views. Christianity has no problem with science as it only explains how God created our universe. We just aren’t Gods because he gave us a brain smart enough to figure it out. There is no open carry in a bar…by the way. Along the same lines asandatory euthanasia in Obama care. Explain that one.
if this is a parody, why doesn’t Inhofe sue…..I would. I am thinking that this is mostly true with the writers little input.
at least Christians admit to being sinners. Atheists claim morality with no rule book. It is different for all. That is why Godless countries have sordid history. Yah yah. so do Christians. we don’t claim diffeerent beliefs are idiots and strip their rights in the name of seperation while ignoring founding fathers
It was funnier when The Onion did this story earlier and used the term “Intelligent Falling”!
What’s sad is that pronouncements this nutty are par for the course from the right wing.
he is insane and so is the church and I do think there is some inbreeding going on in their family.
How do these people(if you’ll pardon the expression) get elected?
Shared this to my FB. Half my “friends” will think its real. *LOL*
Never thought I would agree with James Inhofe a republican on any front, but his one comment about: “Scientists want to teach your children that gravity is nothing more than two particles of matter attracting one another with a force directly proportional to the product of their masses, I agree with his assessment on that point, but the force whatever it may be, is inversely proportional to the square of the distance between them! It’s in the math. The electro-magnetic phenomenon is the operating force of this universe, and our attraction to this earth is a function of it!
OMGoodness! You are kidding, right?
I’m going to look that church up…
meant mandatory euthanasia. Who could read it before the vote. Not Nancy Pelosi.
WOW! What is wrong with these people?
I know he sounds nuts…but isn’t it still Einstein’s “Theory of Relativity”? I’m just sayin.
I’m speechless Oklahoma you can have him nobody else wants him good luck to that kind of craziness
This can’t be serious.Really?
I am curious if any of you clicked the “Show Fact Button”. the only “Fact” is the guys name….
Well, I fell for it for a short time but Inhofe is an ass anyway and it just did not surprise me that much!
“When you wage war on the public schools, you’re attacking the mortar that holds the community together. You’re not a conservative, you’re a vandal.” -Garrison Keillor
“No school can supply an anti-liberal education, or a fascist education, as these terms are contradictory. Liberalism and education are one.”
― George Seldes
This just in. “Inhofe buys shares in a CEMENT SHOE factory,”!
this has to be satire, surely?
Here’s a very old saying, “An Irishman is never drunk as long as he can hold onto one blade of grass to keep from falling off the face of the Earth. Funny story, too bad some people will take it seriously.
What is his “other side” of gravity? The theory of floating into space? I would like the good Senator Imhofe to jump off a 20 story building to prove he won’t fall toward the Earth.
I just found out that Newslo is a satirical magazine. I feel stupid now.
what a complete and utter plonker
There is no satire so ridiculously heavy-handed that some people won’t get fooled. However, what’s more revealing is how they react when they get fooled. I see people expressing sadness at Inhofe’s supposed lack of religious knowledge, but I don’t see anyone calling for his assassination, the death and/or deportation of his entire family and everyone else of “his kind,” accusing him of treason, terrorism, etc. etc. etc. I mention this because awhile ago the satirical site National Report ran a story about President Obama that fooled Fox New and a lot of others, and prompted all of the reactions I mentioned above.
So, I searched a bit—this site is ‘a blend of fact and satire.’ How to tell? What is the fact and what is the satire here? And, for that matter, what about this one—also from this site? https://politicot.com/nnts-ted-cruz-obama-will-start-quartering-soldiers-in-peoples-homes-soon/
Hey Jim and Gus…first I will say you are both crazier that batfuck and ask you if you know or have you ever talked to anyone that has had personal contact with this Jesus guy or his dad..I bet you are both Sid Roth followers….you sound about as luny as him…If there is a God….he is probably going to call you home soon…get ready for the Rapture…dumb asses
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jim_Inhofe
Ummm.. anyone else noting the sheer amount of CrayCray coming out of Oklahoma in the past few days? I mean… it’s getting to the point that when you see ‘R-OK’ behind a name in parentheses, you just KNOW they ain’t. Not. Even. Close.
Sadly, STILL can’t tell if this is satire or fact. Lemme check FOX News. If they say it’s a lie, then ya KNOW it’s on the money.
as he’s jumping off a cliff be sure and yell to reassure him that gravity is only a theory folks! It’s not real or anything you won’t fall!
this is a satire, isn’t it? Every now and then they catch me. tsk. If there is any chance it isn’t satire, I would only ask Mr. Inhofe to prove his hypothesis by jumping off the roof of a skyscraper.
This can’t be serious–can it? If it is, let’s turn off gravity for long enough to let Inhofe fly into space, without oxygen of course (that isn’t in the Bible either.)
Its so close to the absurdity we see from them all the time, so who can be sure its satire?
The sad thing about this is that everyone can imagine a republican or a tea-party member doing this …. and meaning it.
Gravity–Clearly lacking in this modern GOP.
Send im to the moon, I bet he confirms gravity when he returns…lol
These people are getting more fucking stupid by the day.
Wait, let’s be fair. What’s the “other side”?
What a moron from the party of Stupid!!!
Please tell me this is like the Onion.
ROFLMAO!!!
Come on people. Lighten up! This is a riot…..
He is such an embarrassment!
Impressive! I see there are some Faux News viewers that actually think this satire is real! Pure unadulterated madness! Man these dim of wit, mouth breathing, knuckle dragging, didn’t read the Bible but believe everything my pastor and any Republi-cult member says are the root cause the world is laughing at us!
It may interest you to know that Scientology Operating Thetans are assigned the task of keeping stuff from floating away into space. Every one of them is responsible for thousands of people.
While it is clear that this article is satire it exemplifies the nut cases that want us to believe that scientific discovery is only “opinion”. This is exactly the same logic that prompts thousands of people to believe global warming either doesn’t exist or it is not caused by man and that there is no such thing as evolution. It might be satire but it follows that line of thinking so closely that it absolutely looks like a serious article.
These satire news sites funny and all but really becoming all too common. This was a funny article, but honestly..it really is becoming increasingly difficult to tell the difference between satire and fact with the current radical right wing republican party!
next thing you know the ultra conservative tea partiers will be burning people at the stake for sneezing in public or crucifing people for stepping on cracks in the sidewalk………. this kind of news reporting is so lame and the reporters are as guilty for giving credence to it.
I thought it was real until half-way through. I’m betting most people that felt it was real didn’t have the attention span to read beyond the first paragraph….or they rushed off to Facebook to share this article in a huff before finishing.
What is sad is people like this moron reproduce and screw up their kids’ minds.
Completely wasn’t sure this was a joke until about halfway through. Nice.
Oh my God! I don’t know if it’s in the water or in the air, maybe it’s in our food, but there sure is a whole bunch of stupid going around. There’s just a complete lack of common sense. Maybe an apple fell out of a tree and hit him on the head, or he just sucks like the devil!
Only part of this story is a hoax, most of it is true. Fundamentalists are vastly against science and climate change. That’s a fact.
What are these people smoking?
Can anyone direct me to the specific phrases in the “Good Book” that give this explanation?
The really funny things is that idiots like this get elected in the first place!
people take it seriously because it’s entirely plausible.
I think Church of the Unholy Nature Theory would have been better.
what’s with the two buttons “show facts and hide facts’?
who would be surprised!
ha ha good joke ,,,,,, yeah.
And the earth is flat.
yes but this is true he did go on record and demand this im in his district 🙁
Surely this is a parody. Nobody can be this stupid.