NEW YORK— Since the Presidential elections are just around the corner, this Halloween promises to be even stranger than usual. Stores have reported an increasing growth in the sales of political costumes. Frank Luntz, Republican political consultant and strategist, is rapidly becoming the most popular costume of the year.
Young people everywhere are rushing out to buy pounds of white makeup to replicate Luntz’s signature ghostly paleness. They are also practicing Luntz’s sexy usage of misdirected language and overly accusatory statements. To pull off the perfect Frank Luntz costume one must appear as though he or she has received a five-dollar haircut and has spent the last forty years avoiding direct sunlight. Once these details are applied it is time to spice things up.
Many youngsters are buying arousing t-shirts that show off their midriffs, emphasizing Luntz’s glistening belly and man cleavage. Some have gone as far as to add fishnet stocking and glitter to their costumes to show off Luntz’s gorgeous tree trunk legs and sparkling personality. Do not be surprised if at this year’s Halloween party a lumbering Republican analyst walks over to you, vodka tonic in hand, and smoothly whispers into your ear, “Hey baby, would you mind if I consulted you? I can consult in any way you want… for a price.”
It is about time that Americans realized the raw sexiness of political analysts. This Halloween promises more than candy and alcohol, but the irresistible jiggling of Luntz lookalikes, not to mention the bearlike sexual power of Luntz’s convoluted but riveting conversations. Do not be surprised if, after the most confusing night of your life, you wake up next to the sexiest Republican pollster in history.
