Sheriff Joe Arpaio: “I Lost On Purpose Because I Prefer To Be The Next Head Of The FBI”

Donald Trump’s transition team is reportedly considering Milwaukee County, Wisconsin, Sheriff David Clarke and outgoing Maricopa County, Arizona, Sheriff Joe Arpaio as possible nominees to head up the Department of Homeland Security. Arpaio, who lost his bid for re-election on Tuesday but emerged as a frequent companion of Trump’s on the campaign trail, may have a tough road to being confirmed if he’s nominated, as he was recently charged with contempt of court after federal prosecutors said “he willfully defied a judge’s orders to stop targeting Latinos – including citizens and legal immigrants – in traffic stops and other law enforcement efforts.”

The sharp-tongued former Maricopa County Sheriff, however, doesn’t seem to be particularly interested in being promoted into the new head of one of the most powerful and influential intelligence agencies in the nation. His sights are set on another government agency, most notably, one that already has a Director who’s not on Donald Trump’s good side. “I figured I’d have a better chance at getting into the FBI if I lost on purpose,” Arpaio told Arizona Daily. “I heard our new president isn’t too fond of that guy Comey or whatever his name is, and I prefer the FBI to Homeland Security anyway. Besides, Director of the FBI Joe Arpaio has a much nicer ring to it.”

Asked to elaborate on why he feels the Federal Bureau of Investigation supersedes Homeland Security, Arpaio argued that “it doesn’t; it’s just the lesser of two evils.” “Ask any law enforcement officer, any real law enforcement officer and they’ll tell you that sitting behind a desk isn’t what you dream about when you’re at the Academy. When you’re young and ambitious, all you want to do is move up in the world and catch bad guys. While that’s a cliché, there’s a side of it that a lot of people don’t know about, and that’s your own worldviews. Mine got me as far as sheriff, but Arizona isn’t the most forward-thinking place in the world,” he said.

“My worldviews are what they are and I’m too old to change them,” he continued. “So, the only way for me to move forward from this point is to jump and not walk. That’s exactly what this presidential election has made possible for me. Not only do I think Donald Trump is the right choice for this country, I also think he’ll do right by all of us who think like him. Immigrants are welcome in this country under one condition and one condition only: that they go about it legally and by the book. Any other option and they ought to be jailed, deported and then banned for life. Because if we don’t take care of our country, nobody will.”

“And since President Trump is going to have his hands full with this job in the upcoming years, I figured who better to help him take a load off than me, a Republican and a veteran when it comes to catching fence-jumpers and illegal immigrants? I don’t want to brag, but I single-handedly kept Maricopa County safe and clean for 40 years. Imagine what I’d be able to do with the entire country if I had the resources and manpower that the FBI Director has at his disposal. Not only would I help our president make America great again, but more importantly, I’d help him make it white and squeaky clean once more,” Arpaio concluded.