SPRINGFIELD, Mass. — In an announcement that shocked children and irresponsible parents throughout the country, Smith & Wesson, America’s most successful manufacturer of guns and gun products, announced the closure of its recently opened toy gun facility in Akron, Ohio. “It just didn’t catch on,” said Smith & Wesson’s CEO, Jeff Winter, who had hoped the gun owners would buy toy guns instead of real guns in an effort to quell America’s firearms addiction.

Winter seemed sad at the division’s low sales, saying that the company’s idea of replacing real guns with toy guns “had faced a few stumbling blocks.” Winter failed to elaborate on what those challenges might have been, but implied that poor craftsmanship may have played a part. “It’s certainly possible that we simply didn’t have the best materials available – or that the toy guns were too orange. We’re not sure, really.”

Gun owners who had spoken out against Smith & Wesson’s original decision to abandon real guns in favor of toy guns seemed relieved that they would be going back to real thing. “It’s not that I didn’t like the toy guns,” said gun enthusiast Jim Murphy. “It’s just that – I don’t know – real guns are…there’s something about them.” Many gun owners were unable to pinpoint why they preferred their real firearms to their fake ones, but felt it had something to do with the “power” or “feel” of a real gun. One man noted that toy guns didn’t fire bullets, and therefore would not stop an intruder. “That always bothered me – the idea that I’d have to pretend to be shooting someone when, in fact, I’d want to actually be shooting someone,” said an anonymous gun owner.