ANDERSON, S.C. – In a rare example of on-the-job enthusiasm, one employee at the Department of Motor Vehicles in this small city heroically went above and beyond his job description by refusing to let local teen Chase Culpepper, 16, take his driver’s license photo with make-up on, arguing that he “looked uncharacteristically good.”
The dedicated employee was so committed to the ancient DMV tradition of making ID photos look like laminated crap that he told Culpepper, who identifies as “non-gender conforming,” that he should “respect the cultural norms of the DMV.”
Specifically, the drab looking bureaucrat indicated that Culpepper “did not look like a boy should,” adding “I mean, c’mon man. He’s 16. Where’s the glazed, bored look in his eyes? That mascara is making is eyes sparkle. He looks like a freaking Gucci model. Not in my DMV.”
Witnesses to the incident agreed that Culpepper was making them feel insecure, especially Wendy Waterson, 49, from Townville.
“I was just running in to renew my license,”said Waterson. “I had come from a six-hour shift at the diner and picked up my screaming baby from daycare. Now I have to deal with some peppy teenage boy who can rock MAC eyeliner better than I can? I don’t think so.”
The Transgender Legal Defense & Education Fund, or TLDEF, came to Culpepper’s defense.
“The government should not be in the business of telling men and women how we are supposed to look as men and women,”said Michael Silverman, executive director of the fund.
“We want Chase to be able to go back to the DMV in Anderson, his hometown, and have his photo taken the way he looks every day with makeup on.”
Red with embarrassment over the dustup, the DMV has agreed to allow Culpepper to retake his photo, much to the chagrin of other DMV patrons.
“Fine, but can he show the rest of us how to step up our face game?”asked Waterson. “I mean, damn son. Share that lipstick with the less fortunate.”
The Anderson DMV could not be reached for comment.