Special Report: Tamerlan Tsarnaev Wore Tighty-Whiteys, Had Mole on Left Ankle

BOSTON – An investigation conducted by Newslo has uncovered the shocking and highly germane fact that Tamerlan Tsarnaev—the deceased suspect in the April 15 Boston Marathon bombings—wore tighty-whitey underwear, as opposed to boxers or boxer-briefs. Sources confirm that the elder Tsarnaev, thought to be the primary plotter of the attacks, wore the classic tighty-whiteys mostly for comfort reasons, but also because he “liked the way they made his junk look.”

“Tamerlan generally kept his undies in the top drawer, to the left of the socks,  the latter of which he did not—I repeat, did not—roll up into pairs,” a source, who visited Tsarnaev’s bedroom twice in 2011, told Newslo. “He may have owned a pair of boxers, because I recall seeing a sliver of heart-patterned material amidst all the white, but I can’t say whether or not he ever wore them.”

The source said that he had, on many occasions, seen the distinctive elastic band common to tighty-whiteys rising above Tamerlan’s waistline as he bent over, which may indicate that the heart-patterned boxers were a gift that Tamerlan didn’t really wear.

While other news organizations have dedicated great amounts of airtime and print space to painstaking, exhaustive reporting on the minutiae of the Tsarnaev brothers’ biographies, social media posts, and personal relationships, most have failed to report on the suspected terrorists’ undergarment choices, an oversight that media expert John Heely called “an unforgivable betrayal of the public’s right to know.”

“How can we expect people to feel connected to the world around them if they don’t know what kind of fabric was, on a daily basis, rubbing up against Tamerlan Tsarnaev’s genitalia?” Heely said. “Plus, who’s to say the constricting nature of tighty-whiteys didn’t slowly, over the period of many uncomfortable, ball-squeezing years, drive Tsarnaev toward terrorism?”

Newslo has also confirmed that Tamerlan had a small, oblong mole on the anterior region of his left ankle. “It was about 1.5 millimeters in diameter,” Tsarnaev’s family physician said. “The mole was dark brown and didn’t seem to pose any risk of becoming cancerous. Just a normal mole—almost suspiciously normal.”