Spicer: “WikiLeaks Provides Evidence That Obama Likely Requested CIA To Telepathically Wiretap Donald Trump”

White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer wants everyone to know that he, the White House and the president are “not aware” of a Justice Department investigation into Donald Trump’s wiretapping accusations. In fact, he repeated the claim 10 times in response to one question on Thursday and then recommended that reporters use a thesaurus to look up additional ways to say it. On Wednesday, there was confusion about whether or not President Trump was briefed by the Justice Department before he accused President Barack Obama of illegally wiretapping him. At first Spicer appeared to say that he did not know, before he seemingly corrected himself to say, “there is no reason to believe that there is any type of investigation with respect to the Department of Justice.”

When asked what it was that prompted President Trump to make the accusations in the first place, the press secretary revealed that it had to do with a certain whistleblower that has, on a number of previous occasions, helped Donald Trump’s presidential campaign. “Just recently, President Trump came into possession of certain information leaked by WikiLeaks, that provide evidence that former president Barack Obama likely requested the CIA to employ methods that could result in a telepathic wiretap of President Donald Trump. And even though no evidence was found that such a wiretap was, in fact, implemented, it raised alarms throughout the administration – and you know the kind of self-control President Trump has, or rather, lacks,” Spicer said.

He continued, “At first, President Trump was understandably reluctant to buy into the leaked information. However, given that previous leaks from the same agency – most notably, ones containing a significant portion of Hillary Clinton’s deleted emails – were not only accurate, but also helped Donald Trump on his campaign trail, I have to say, it didn’t take long for him to come around and remove all doubts pertaining to the credibility of the said leaks. Furthermore, due to the longstanding disagreement between the former and current president, it made sense that such a request from the former president to the head of the spy agency at the time was also not fictitious.”

“Lastly, as we all know, the techniques and methods used by the Central Intelligence Agency in its operation encompass a multitude of both cutting-edge and quaint technologies, which means – at the risk of sounding like a conspiracy theorist – that such a thing as a telepathic wiretap is probably a warranted tool in the arsenal of weapons at the disposal of the most powerful spy agency in the world. All of this brings me to my point: wiretapping, telepathic or otherwise, is plain wrong. Anyone who’s ever been subjected to it has every right to be upset because of the invasion of their privacy. Donald Trump is no different. The only shameful thing in this whole situation is the fact that former president Barack Obama’s ego couldn’t cope with the fact that his most dangerous enemy was about to fix everything he’d worked so hard to destroy, that he just had to try and make sure that didn’t happen. And as always – he failed,” Spicer concluded.