BATON ROUGE, La.- A sting operation uncovered an off-hours chicken boxing ring inside the Louisiana Statehouse this week. The discovery was made following comments by state Sen. Elbert Guillory, who last week denounced a bill aimed at further strengthening the state’s ban on cockfighting, stating that it would unintentionally infringe upon the “legitimate sport” of chicken boxing.
“Leather spur covers and plastic spur covers, um, that are used in the legitimate sport of chicken boxing might be considered paraphernalia” and swept up in the ban if the bill were to go through, claimed Guillory during a legislative session.
“Just as dueling is a blood sport, two men fighting each other with swords is a blood sport that is illegal,” elaborated Guillory, “Similarly, two men with boxing gloves on can box each other as a sport that is legal. This is the same distinction between chicken boxing and cockfighting.
“Chicken boxing is done without knives, so the chickens aren’t even killed. We let humans punch each other until they develop brain damage and Parkinson’s, why not chickens? It’s completely humane.”
Baton Rouge detectives and FBI agents told a different story, when they uncovered an extremely sophisticated, highly financed chicken boxing operation in the depths of the state capitol.
“It was just like Michael Vick’s house but with chickens,” said an FBI agent at the scene. “There were hundreds of chickens, all underfed and in cages that were far too small. We assume this was to make the chickens more aggressive, and so they could make their respective weight classes.”
“We are not sure how many government officials are involved, but we can confirm that this operation was worth hundreds of thousands of dollars at the very least,” said Baton Rouge Police Chief Carl Dabadie Jr.
“Just through the sheer number of chickens involved, we can assume that some very influential folks were passing through this ring.”
Still, Sen. Guillory was defiant when approached for comment, claiming that “the liberal media” is trying to defame the “great southern tradition of chicken boxing.”