Super Bowl Blackout Forces CBS Commentators to Fill Time with Debate on Futility of Life

NEW ORLEANS – A power surge caused a blackout in the Mercedes-Benz Superdome during Sunday night’s Super Bowl, leaving CBS commentators to fill time with banter that quickly devolved into a somber discussion of the futility of human existence.

When the half of the stadium’s lights went out in the second half, commentator James Brown, anchor of “The NFL Today,” laughed at how easily the meticulously planned event could be thwarted by sheer randomness.

“This is the most-watched televised event of the year,” said Brown. “All around the country, people are simultaneously being relieved of the illusion of control we each purport to have over our own lives.”

The observation was followed by a brief, thoughtful silence, followed by a twenty minute debate concerning epistemology, fallibilism, and the ultimate meaninglessness of every human life.

“Sometimes it feels as though I am Sisyphus, charged with the fruitless labor of pushing an enormous boulder up a steep hill, only to have it roll back down again when I reach the top,” said retired NFL quarterback Dan Marino. “Yet I must follow it downwards and resume my work, ceaselessly, for all of eternity.”

After agreeing that all humans must one day confront this absurdity, former tight end Shannon Sharpe speculated that the only choice left is to live in spite of it, and “revel in life’s capriciousness.”

An informed technician then attempted to explain to the commentators the cause of the blackout and when it would be fixed, but was forced to relent when their argument on the existence of God grew heated.