NewsLo
  • Today’s Headlines
  • Featured
  • US
  • Politics
  • World
  • Media
  • Sports
  • Privacy Policy
Subscribe
NewsLo
NewsLo
  • Home
  • Business
    • Accounting
    • Advertising
    • Branding
    • Career
    • Customer Service
    • Cyber Security
    • Entrepreneur
    • Jobs
    • Management
    • Marketing
    • Non Profit
    • Search Engine Optimization
    • Sales
    • Web Design
  • Finance
    • Banking
    • Bankruptcy
    • Budgeting
    • Credit
    • Debt
    • Estate Wills & Trusts
    • Home Improvements
    • Law
    • Loans
    • Personal Finance
    • Taxes
    • Shopping
  • Investment
    • Crypto Currency
    • Gold & Silver
    • Hard Assets
    • Real Estate
    • Retirement
    • Stocks & Bonds
    • Trading
  • Real Estate
    • Buying
    • Selling
    • Commercial Construction
    • Construction Law
    • Home Improvement
    • Loans
    • Property Management
    • Real Estate Laws
    • Rental Property
  • Insurance
    • Auto Insurance
    • Commercial Real Estate Insurance
    • Crop Insurance
    • Dental Insurance
    • Disability Insurance
    • Health Insurance
    • Home Owners Insurance
    • Identity Theft Protection
    • Insurance Law
    • Investment Insurance
  • Contact Us
  • Politics

Survey: William Henry Harrison Greatest President Ever

  • February 19, 2013
  • News Lo
WmHHarrison
(Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons)
Total
0
Shares
0
0
0

BLOOMINGTON, Ind.  – The survey, conducted by the American Historical Review to mark Presidents Day, found that experts on presidential history almost unanimously agree that our greatest commander-in-chief was not Lincoln or Washington, but rather William Henry Harrison (1773-1841), who, because he served only one month in office, “didn’t have time to fuck things up royally, like all those other assholes did.”

“Presidents occasionally do good things for the country,” explained Robert A. Schneider, editor of the AHR. “Lincoln ended slavery; Eisenhower built the highway system. But these accomplishments are rare, and don’t even begin to make up for the typhoons of shit that are most presidential initiatives.” In general, the historians surveyed agreed that many presidents have started off strong, but quickly demonstrated themselves to be “totally incompetent douchebags.”

Enter William Henry Harrison, the ninth man to serve. “Harrison died of pneumonia—which he may have caught during his rainy and cold inauguration—only a month into his term,” Schneider said. “The poor man hadn’t even settled into the White House yet when he croaked, and for this reason, he’s the greatest president ever. He didn’t start any dumb-shit wars, or tank the economy, or bang any interns. He just took office and died—a truly great man.”

“It’s unfortunate that few presidents have modeled their terms after Harrison’s,” Doris Kearns Goodwin, the most prominent of the historians surveyed, commented. “His record is completely clean—pristine, really—because he didn’t do a single thing in office except lie in bed, too sick to work. Just think how much better the country would be today if the other forty-three presidents had had the wisdom to do so little.”

At least some Americans have been swayed by Mrs. Kearns Goodwin’s logic. Recently, a petition to have the presidential faces currently depicted on Mount Rushmore replaced with one giant bust of William Henry Harrison has attracted more than fifty thousand signatures. “We need to honor this man,” reads the petition’s text. “At least he did no harm.”

Total
0
Shares
Share 0
Tweet 0
Pin it 0
Related Topics
  • How President Harrison died
  • news humor and satire
  • President Harrison
  • President Henry Harrison
  • William Henry Harrison
Avatar of News Lo
News Lo

Welcome to Newslo! Our team of dedicated authors strives to deliver the latest and most important info on finance while infusing a dose of our own style to give you a unique experience. Whether you're looking for in-depth discussions on investments or solid finance tips, we have something for everyone. Our goal is to deliver you the best possible content. So, keep reading our articles and give us your feedback!

Previous Article
  • World

Pope to Lobby for NAMBLA

  • February 19, 2013
  • News Lo
View Post
Next Article
  • US

Unemployed Facing Separation Anxiety from Politicians

  • February 19, 2013
  • News Lo
View Post
NewsLo
  • Today’s Headlines
  • Featured
  • US
  • Politics
  • World
  • Media
  • Sports
  • Privacy Policy
Navigating the world of finance, one step at a time.

Input your search keywords and press Enter.