GOP Declares Itself Party of ‘New, Inclusive Intolerance’

WASHINGTON — Republican National Chairman Reince Priebus today announced that his party, after weeks of internal bickering over how it can broaden its base and reach more voters, has agreed to adopt a “bigot tent” philosophy, which embraces “a new, inclusive intolerance.” “We cannot remain the party of intolerant old white men,” Priebus announced. “For our party to have a chance at…

Nation Develops Pre-Traumatic Stress Disorder Over 2016 Election Coverage

WASHINGTON — In the wake of the presidential election, Americans across the nation prepared to breathe a sigh of relief together. Many felt secure, for the first time in months, that they could turn on their televisions or use the internet without being viciously and mercilessly assaulted by politics.  Unfortunately for those naive, almost tenderly hopeful Americans, Election 2016 coverage has already…