Republican Lawmakers Outlaw Abortion by Declaring Fetuses “Insolvent Corporate Persons”

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WASHINGTON —  In what will almost surely go down in history as a legislative grand-slam, Republicans in Congress today succeeded in banning abortion by re-writing the tax code to classify fetuses as “insolvent corporate persons.” While unborn children inhabit a legal and moral gray area in American politics, corporations are guaranteed a near full enumeration of civil rights. The Fetal Incorporation Act…

Republicans Claim Conception Begins at First Mojito

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WASHINGTON, D.C. — Republican members of Congress have issued a new referendum on abortion and birth control, asserting that the conception of a child begins at first Mojito. “When you’re looking into her eyes, and you take a sip of that drink right after the bartender gives it to you – that’s when a child is born,” said Virginia representative Eric Cantor…