al-Qaeda - NewsLo

Preexisting Condition Precludes Al-Qaida’s Life Insurance Payout

“My husband died protecting the principles of the Abdullah Azzam Brigades,” said al-Majid’s widow, referring to the al-Qaida-linked Sunni militant group he headed. “The least the organization could do is provide the life insurance payout we were promised.”

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Al Qaeda Apologizes for Hospital Attack, Pledges Christmas Gifts for all Yemeni Children

There's a first time for everything….

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Al-Qaeda Fighter Wishes He Could Fight in a Decent Country for Once

“If I pay my dues, I’m sure I’ll get the call to one day attack a target that hasn’t had its indoor plumbing blown to smithereens months ago.”

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Al-Qaeda Upset that U.S. Won’t Behead Gitmo Inmates Like Gentleman Should

“Really it just comes down to whether or not you are a true gentleman,” Zawahiri clarified. “No American in our custody has ever gone on a hunger strike. Granted that’s because we chopped off their head, but still the point remains.”

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World

Al-Qaeda Member Calls al-Awlaki’s Prostitute Rampage ‘Amateur Hour’

“Al-Qaeda’s always had a lax policy on getting freaky with American ladies. He should know that by now.” Dave went on to speak about five Al-Qaeda members who were rumored to have paid for lap dances at a Las Vegas nightclub in 2001. “That’s how it’s done.”

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Media

Al Qaeda Turns Out to Be More Informative Than CNN

NEW YORK — The surviving Boston bombing suspect has reportedly told investigators that he and his brother learned how to make their bombs from Inspire magazine, an online al Qaeda…

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World

Mali Terrorist Franchise Loses Al-Qaeda Franchisee Status After Failing to Meet Obligations

BAMAKO, Mali — Former Al-Qaeda franchisee Al-Qaeda in the Islamic Maghreb (AQIM) has been officially disenfranchised by Al-Qaeda central for failing to meet certain basic franchisee obligations. The local Saharan…

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Media

Red Dawn Remake Accidentally Endorses Terrorism

LOS ANGELES — After viewing a matinee showing of “Red Dawn” with his family Sunday, the film’s director, Dan Bradley, was reportedly struck by the undeniable sense that he had…

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