Al Qaeda Turns Out to Be More Informative Than CNN

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NEW YORK — The surviving Boston bombing suspect has reportedly told investigators that he and his brother learned how to make their bombs from Inspire magazine, an online al Qaeda publication, inadvertently confirming that terrorists are better at journalism than CNN. An archival edition of Inspire featured a story titled “How to Make a Bomb in the Kitchen of Your Mom.” The…

Mali Terrorist Franchise Loses Al-Qaeda Franchisee Status After Failing to Meet Obligations

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BAMAKO, Mali — Former Al-Qaeda franchisee Al-Qaeda in the Islamic Maghreb (AQIM) has been officially disenfranchised by Al-Qaeda central for failing to meet certain basic franchisee obligations. The local Saharan terrorist cell had established itself as an important player in the Islamic Maghreb, the Mali-based branch of Al-Qaeda that has been developing alarmingly quickly of late. According to sources, the group was…

Red Dawn Remake Accidentally Endorses Terrorism

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LOS ANGELES — After viewing a matinee showing of “Red Dawn” with his family Sunday, the film’s director, Dan Bradley, was reportedly struck by the undeniable sense that he had inadvertently made a movie endorsing international terrorist group al-Qaeda. The film—a remake of the 1984 Cold War favorite of the same name— follows a plucky group of idealistic resistance fighters, the Wolverines,…