Barack Obama - NewsLo

White House Accidentally Outs CIA Agent Hamid Karzai

The White House declined comment on the disclosure. It was unclear whether or how the disclosure would affect attitudes towards Karzai and his government, which are already incredibly low.

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DC
Politics

37th Obamacare Vote Does the Trick

WASHINGTON — After the House of Representatives voted for the 37th time to repeal the Affordable Care Act, President Barack Obama relented today, announcing to the American people that he…

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Politics

GOP Blames Obama for Their Inability to Locate Benghazi on a Map

WASHINGTON — Republicans took the Senate floor today to blast the Obama administration, charging that President Barack Obama knowingly and with malice chose a confusing location as the site of…

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Politics

Obama’s Budget Plan Offers Bipartisan Disappointment to All

WASHINGTON — The Obama Administration released the details of its 2014 budget plan this Wednesday, in what appeared to be an effort to gain absolutely nobody’s support. The Obama budget…

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Politics

Tea Party Groups Prepare for Inauguration of President Romney

WASHINGTON — Representatives from Tea Party Patriots, Tea Party Express, and The Nationwide Tea Party Coalition have gathered in the heart of the Texas Panhandle to prepare for the festivities…

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Politics

Obama and Boehner Bond in Crying Jag

WASHINGTON — When President Barack Obama and House Majority Leader John Boehner met for the first time since the President won re-election, the two long-time foes found something to bond…

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Blogs

Sarah Palin’s Dirty Secret: Did She Actually Vote for Barack Obama?

WASILLA, Alaska — Rumors are surfacing that Sarah Palin is secretly ecstatic about President Obama’s reelection, since it opens up great businesses opportunities for her. Watching Sarah Palin is like…

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Politics

Obama Celebrates Victory Over Romney, Changes Name of Traditionally Red State to Allah-Bama

MOBILE, Ala. — In a surprising victory speech, President Barack Obama decided to kick Republicans where it hurts. In a nod to his Islamist supporters in Egypt’s Muslim Brotherhood, Barack…

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Politics

Romney Allowed To Vote Multiple Times As Each of His Different Personas

BELMONT, Mass. – Presidential candidate Mitt Romney spent most of Tuesday walking in and out of a Boston voting station, voting for himself again and again. Thanks to an interesting…

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Politics

Nation Still Has No Idea What Obama “Moving Forward” to

WASHINGTON — The people of the United States are collectively beginning to realize that Obama’s popular phrase “Moving Forward” doesn’t really mean anything. While “forward” is generally regarded as one…

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Small Business Owners Cited in Stump Speeches Reveal Candidates’ Lies: “They never said those things to me”

JOLIET, Ill. — Deborah Carpenter, founder and owner of a chain of local convenience stores, has called out presidential candidate Mitt Romney for misrepresenting their brief conversation at a recent…

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Politics

Obama Least Effective Terrorist-Sympathizing Communist Ever Elected President

WASHINGTON — According to analysis performed by the Presidential Library Commission, President Barack Obama is the least-effective terrorist-sympathizing communist to ever serve as chief executive. The report found that despite…

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Media

American Heart Association Anticipating Matt Drudge Heart Attack On Election Day

DALLAS, Texas — In an unprecedented act of charity, the American Heart Association has decided to put a team of paramedics on standby outside of Matt Drudge’s house on election…

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Politics

Both Candidates Still Vying for Game-Changing Endorsements

With the 2012 presidential election merely two weeks away, both Mitt Romney and Barack Obama have received a rapid influx of potentially game-changing endorsements, including: Todd Akin for Mitt Romney…

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Politics

Romney Camp Looking to Trade Lindsay Lohan For Neil Patrick Harris & Eva Longoria

WASHINGTON— In an attempt to diversify its voting base, the Romney camp contacted the White House yesterday and offered to trade celebrity endorsers Lindsay Lohan and Scott Baio for Eva…

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Politics

Undecided Voter Goes With Obama after Scarlett Johansson Endorsement

DES MOINES, Iowa – Iowa factory worker Jonathan Flagler, 30, has decided to cast his vote for Barack Obama after actress Scarlett Johansson vocally endorsed the incumbent president. Flagler had…

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Politics

Obama Invites Cheney Over to “Play With Bush’s Toys”

WASHINGTON — Former Vice President Dick Cheney paid a visit to the White House on Wednesday afternoon for what was originally believed to be a meeting concerning the decommissioning of…

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Politics

White House Aide: “The Obamas, Beyoncé, and Jay-Z have a swingers club”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — An aide working in the White House has come forward, on the basis of anonymity, with new claims that Barack and Michelle Obama have a “swingers club”…

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Politics

Mitt Romney Discovers Buried Golden Tablets Instructing Him to Bomb Iran

WOLFEBORO, N.H. — Sources within the Romney campaign claim that the Republican nominee discovered a pair of golden tablets with instructions for how he should lead the United States. The…

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Politics

Bloomberg Asks for Creation of “Nanny-In-Chief” Cabinet Position, Nominates Self

WASHINGTON, D.C. — New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg has petitioned President Obama to create a new cabinet position that he calls “Nanny-in-Chief.” The new office would be responsible for…

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Politics

Obama, Romney Juicing the Stats on Unemployment

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The fragile state of the American economy continues to be a focal point in this year’s electoral landscape. With a series of less than stellar job-growth reports…

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Politics

Obama Campaign Attacks Paul Ryan’s Two First Names, Targets Dyslexic Vote

CHICAGO — A new advertisement released by the Obama campaign has chosen a unique way of criticizing Mitt Romney’s running mate, Paul Ryan. The ad, entitled “Bad Education,” asserts that…

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Politics

Obama Practices Getting to the Goddamn Point for Tonight’s Debate

DENVER — Tonight’s first presidential debate will show that, for President Obama, the race to the White House is a race against the clock. In keeping with Democratic tradition, Obama…

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Politics

Romney Alludes to Book Of Mormon, Nearly Gets Broadway Vote

NEW YORK – Gay actors and theatre lovers alike rejoiced this morning when Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney was quoted as saying that his biggest inspiration in life was “absolutely,…

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