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Posts by tag

Barack Obama

26 posts
  • Politics
  • Today's Headlines

White House Accidentally Outs CIA Agent Hamid Karzai

  • May 28, 2014
  • News Lo
The White House declined comment on the disclosure. It was unclear whether or how the disclosure would affect attitudes towards Karzai and his government, which are already incredibly low.
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  • DC
  • Politics

37th Obamacare Vote Does the Trick

  • May 17, 2013
  • News Lo
WASHINGTON — After the House of Representatives voted for the 37th time to repeal the Affordable Care Act, President Barack Obama relented today, announcing to the American people that he…
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  • Politics

GOP Blames Obama for Their Inability to Locate Benghazi on a Map

  • May 17, 2013
  • News Lo
GOP Blame Obama
WASHINGTON — Republicans took the Senate floor today to blast the Obama administration, charging that President Barack Obama knowingly and with malice chose a confusing location as the site of…
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  • Politics

Obama’s Budget Plan Offers Bipartisan Disappointment to All

  • April 11, 2013
  • News Lo
GOP Blame Obama
WASHINGTON — The Obama Administration released the details of its 2014 budget plan this Wednesday, in what appeared to be an effort to gain absolutely nobody’s support. The Obama budget…
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  • Politics

Tea Party Groups Prepare for Inauguration of President Romney

  • January 17, 2013
  • News Lo
WASHINGTON — Representatives from Tea Party Patriots, Tea Party Express, and The Nationwide Tea Party Coalition have gathered in the heart of the Texas Panhandle to prepare for the festivities…
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  • Politics

Obama and Boehner Bond in Crying Jag

  • November 19, 2012
  • News Lo
WASHINGTON — When President Barack Obama and House Majority Leader John Boehner met for the first time since the President won re-election, the two long-time foes found something to bond…
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  • Blogs

Sarah Palin’s Dirty Secret: Did She Actually Vote for Barack Obama?

  • November 12, 2012
  • News Lo
WASILLA, Alaska — Rumors are surfacing that Sarah Palin is secretly ecstatic about President Obama’s reelection, since it opens up great businesses opportunities for her. Watching Sarah Palin is like…
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  • Politics

Obama Celebrates Victory Over Romney, Changes Name of Traditionally Red State to Allah-Bama

  • November 7, 2012
  • News Lo
MOBILE, Ala. — In a surprising victory speech, President Barack Obama decided to kick Republicans where it hurts.  In a nod to his Islamist supporters in Egypt’s Muslim Brotherhood, Barack…
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  • Politics

Romney Allowed To Vote Multiple Times As Each of His Different Personas

  • November 6, 2012
  • News Lo
VOTING- SHUTTER
BELMONT, Mass. – Presidential candidate Mitt Romney spent most of Tuesday walking in and out of a Boston voting station, voting for himself again and again. Thanks to an interesting…
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  • Politics

Nation Still Has No Idea What Obama “Moving Forward” to

  • October 29, 2012
  • News Lo
WASHINGTON — The people of the United States are collectively beginning to realize that Obama’s popular phrase “Moving Forward” doesn’t really mean anything. While “forward” is generally regarded as one…
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  • US

Small Business Owners Cited in Stump Speeches Reveal Candidates’ Lies: “They never said those things to me”

  • October 29, 2012
  • News Lo
JOLIET, Ill. — Deborah Carpenter, founder and owner of a chain of local convenience stores, has called out presidential candidate Mitt Romney for misrepresenting their brief conversation at a recent…
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  • Politics

Obama Least Effective Terrorist-Sympathizing Communist Ever Elected President

  • October 25, 2012
  • News Lo
WASHINGTON — According to analysis performed by the Presidential Library Commission, President Barack Obama is the least-effective terrorist-sympathizing communist to ever serve as chief executive. The report found that despite…
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  • Media

American Heart Association Anticipating Matt Drudge Heart Attack On Election Day

  • October 24, 2012
  • News Lo
DALLAS, Texas — In an unprecedented act of charity, the American Heart Association has decided to put a team of paramedics on standby outside of Matt Drudge’s house on election…
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  • Politics

Both Candidates Still Vying for Game-Changing Endorsements

  • October 22, 2012
  • News Lo
With the 2012 presidential election merely two weeks away, both Mitt Romney and Barack Obama have received a rapid influx of potentially game-changing endorsements, including: Todd Akin for Mitt Romney…
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  • Politics

Romney Camp Looking to Trade Lindsay Lohan For Neil Patrick Harris & Eva Longoria

  • October 17, 2012
  • News Lo
WASHINGTON— In an attempt to diversify its voting base, the Romney camp contacted the White House yesterday and offered to trade celebrity endorsers Lindsay Lohan and Scott Baio for Eva…
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  • Politics

Undecided Voter Goes With Obama after Scarlett Johansson Endorsement

  • October 15, 2012
  • News Lo
DES MOINES, Iowa – Iowa factory worker Jonathan Flagler, 30, has decided to cast his vote for Barack Obama after actress Scarlett Johansson vocally endorsed the incumbent president. Flagler had…
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  • Politics

Obama Invites Cheney Over to “Play With Bush’s Toys”

  • October 10, 2012
  • News Lo
Obama-cheney-playdate
WASHINGTON — Former Vice President Dick Cheney paid a visit to the White House on Wednesday afternoon for what was originally believed to be a meeting concerning the decommissioning of…
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  • Politics

White House Aide: “The Obamas, Beyoncé, and Jay-Z have a swingers club”

  • October 7, 2012
  • News Lo
WASHINGTON, D.C. — An aide working in the White House has come forward, on the basis of anonymity, with new claims that Barack and Michelle Obama have a “swingers club”…
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  • Politics

Mitt Romney Discovers Buried Golden Tablets Instructing Him to Bomb Iran

  • October 7, 2012
  • News Lo
WOLFEBORO, N.H. — Sources within the Romney campaign claim that the Republican nominee discovered a pair of golden tablets with instructions for how he should lead the United States. The…
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  • Politics

Bloomberg Asks for Creation of “Nanny-In-Chief” Cabinet Position, Nominates Self

  • October 7, 2012
  • News Lo
WASHINGTON, D.C. — New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg has petitioned President Obama to create a new cabinet position that he calls “Nanny-in-Chief.” The new office would be responsible for…
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  • Politics

Obama, Romney Juicing the Stats on Unemployment

  • October 3, 2012
  • News Lo
Obama-romney
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The fragile state of the American economy continues to be a focal point in this year’s electoral landscape. With a series of less than stellar job-growth reports…
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  • Politics

Obama Campaign Attacks Paul Ryan’s Two First Names, Targets Dyslexic Vote

  • October 3, 2012
  • News Lo
CHICAGO — A new advertisement released by the Obama campaign has chosen a unique way of criticizing Mitt Romney’s running mate, Paul Ryan. The ad, entitled “Bad Education,” asserts that…
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  • Politics

Obama Practices Getting to the Goddamn Point for Tonight’s Debate

  • October 3, 2012
  • News Lo
DENVER — Tonight’s first presidential debate will show that, for President Obama, the race to the White House is a race against the clock. In keeping with Democratic tradition, Obama…
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  • Politics

Romney Alludes to Book Of Mormon, Nearly Gets Broadway Vote

  • September 30, 2012
  • News Lo
NEW YORK – Gay actors and theatre lovers alike rejoiced this morning when Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney was quoted as saying that his biggest inspiration in life was “absolutely,…
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