Retailers to Kill Black Friday after Accusations of Racism Surface

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NEW YORK – Many of America’s largest retailers, including Macy’s and Kohl’s, are foregoing their traditional “Black Friday” sales promotions and beginning their holiday shopping seasons on Thanksgiving this year, according to industry analysts. On Wednesday, several CEOs explained that the change in tact is meant to stay competitive in an increasingly-cutthroat marketplace, and also to clarify that their sales are “meant…

U.S. Government Rushes to Borrow During China’s Black Friday Sale

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WASHINGTON – Lawmakers on Capitol Hill are scrambling to raise America’s debt ceiling to take full advantage of China’s amazing Black Friday loan specials. “Zero percent interest for the first 18 months on the first two trillion dollars borrowed!” Exclaimed Montana Senator Max Baucus, Chairman of the Senate Finance Committee. “They’re practically giving this stuff away!  Do you know how many earmarks…