Exxon Creates Underground Community for Those Displaced by Oil Spill

MAYFLOWER, Ark. — As a sign of sympathy and goodwill, industrial giant ExxonMobil has apologized for a ruptured pipeline that leaked tens of thousands of gallons of crude oil into the town of Mayflower, Arkansas. ExxonMobil has also promised to construct an underground haven to house over twenty families who were displaced by the spill. Speaking to the affected families outside a…

New Orleans Braces For Asteroid

NEW ORLEANS, LA — New Orleans is making provisions for yet another disaster as reports from NASA surfaced this week that claim a 17-Thetis asteroid broke from Neptune’s Trojan orbit and will strike the tremendously unlucky city sometime next week. The asteroid, though relatively small by astronomical standards, is expected to virtually demolish the Crescent City in one demonstrative, fatal smack down.…