“This is genius. They don’t respond to votes, only to moolah. I just hope they can raise enough money for the big guns, pun intended. Those guys don’t come cheap.”
CHICAGO — In a rare act of bipartisanship, members of Congress from both political parties have agreed to ignore Chicago’s growing epidemic of violence, a course of action made all the more easily due to the Constitution’s limit on Federal powers. “It’s a challenge for us to agree on anything these days,” said House Speaker John Boehner. “But when it comes to Chicago’s…
CHICAGO — It was a shining moment for Chicago, it’s growing homicide rate and escalating gang war. During his State of the Union Address, President Barack Obama actually named checked Hadiya Pendleton, the 15-year-old girl who was tragically killed in Chicago, weeks after performing at President Obama’s second inauguration. But mere moments later Chicago and it’s crime had the spotlight yanked away,…
CHICAGO — In an effort to avoid using future airtime to cover gun violence in Chicago, all major American news networks have decided to preemptively broadcast a tribute to the next 500 Chicagoans to be shot and killed in the city. The mainstream media had agreed upon a 500-murder quota to be reached in 2012 before they would dedicate an entire segment…
CHICAGO — Realizing that their city would see a record high number of fatalities from gun violence in 2012, Chicago residents have pooled resources to construct the Annual Death Clock. The billboard-sized mortality counter was created in response to the dearth of media coverage of Chicago’s unrelenting struggle with gun-related deaths, primarily among minority youths. Last month, the 400th annual murder in…