Chicago gun violence Archives

A Wedding of Form & Function – Chicagoans Try to Bribe Politicians to Reduce Gun Violence

"This is genius. They don’t respond to votes, only to moolah. I just hope they can raise enough money for the big guns, pun intended. Those guys don’t come cheap.”

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Congress Unanimously Thankful It Doesn’t Have Constitutional Power Over Chicago

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2 min

Politics

Congress Unanimously Thankful It Doesn’t Have Constitutional Power Over Chicago

CHICAGO — In a rare act of bipartisanship, members of Congress from both political parties have agreed to ignore Chicago’s growing epidemic of violence, a course of action made all…

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Chicago Residents Surprised to be Pushed from the National Spotlight

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2 min

Chicago Residents Surprised to be Pushed from the National Spotlight

CHICAGO — It was a shining moment for Chicago, it’s growing homicide rate and escalating gang war. During his State of the Union Address, President Barack Obama actually named checked…

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500th Chicago Gun Murder Reached; Media Covers Next 500 Murders in Advance

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2 min

Media

500th Chicago Gun Murder Reached; Media Covers Next 500 Murders in Advance

CHICAGO — In an effort to avoid using future airtime to cover gun violence in Chicago, all major American news networks have decided to preemptively broadcast a tribute to the…

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Chicago Constructs Death Clock to Force Media Discussion of Gun Violence

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2 min

Media

Chicago Constructs Death Clock to Force Media Discussion of Gun Violence

CHICAGO — Realizing that their city would see a record high number of fatalities from gun violence in 2012, Chicago residents have pooled resources to construct the Annual Death Clock.…

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