“The men of today already have enough trouble satisfying women as it is”
Christie has yet again managed to divide the American public with his comments
“A word of advice to SEC employees: If you want a place to fish, I know a great spot under the George Washington Bridge. It’s quiet, has access to a river, and best of all, it has no witnesses in sight.”
“Our baby boy loves his home state,” claimed Christie’s mother, “almost as much as he loves Iowa, New Hampshire, South Carolina, and Nevada.”
Kelly then replied, “If that doesn’t do it, Chris knows a guy from back in the day. Know anyone who wants to be Mayor of Fort Lee? There may be an opening soon.”
The grassroots network of likeminded individuals, all of whom simply cannot stomach the notion of Christie occupying the White House, offers numerous reasons to support their cause.
“Instead,” Roberts continued, “we’ll send the governor’s paunch to D.C., where it’ll be a perfect representative for the great and overweight state of New Jersey.”
SEASIDE, N.J. — From the wreckage of Hurricane Sandy, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie has arisen as a heroic leader, receiving praise and gratitude from Democrats and Republicans alike. Governor Christie has worked tirelessly throughout the ordeal, displaying the confidence and bipartisan leadership that is so essential in times of crisis. The Governor, already excelling in his leadership role, went even further…
NEWARK, N.J. — Yesterday, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie delivered a brief speech to the press declaring that the conclusion of MTV’s hit television program “Jersey Shore” would restore the state’s status as “the most respected in the Union.” The program, which chronicles the personal relationships of eight caricatures of Italian-American youth culture, has plagued New Jersey’s once esteemed reputation for high…
NEW YORK — Leaked late-night text messages from Wall St. to the Democratic National Committee have revealed Wall St.’s growing discontent towards liberals’ treatment of the financial community as an “ugly mistress.” The text messages point to the Democrats’ constant condemnation of Wall St., but also expose the behind-closed-doors love affair taking place out of sight of Main Street, the Democrats’ longtime…