Syrian Civil War Causes Flight Delays at Damascus’ Airport

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DAMASCUS — The heavy bombardment of targets near Damascus International Airport by Syrian warplanes this week has led to major travel delays for Westerners seeking to return home from their annual Middle East getaways. “They warned us to cancel our vacation here,” said Lars Skalnes, a German fashion designer whose Lufthansa flight had been delayed several hours due to a suicide bombing…

States Use Federal Website to Politely Request Permission to Secede from Union

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WASHINGTON — A new secession fad has been sweeping the nation, as residents in all fifty U.S. states have now filed proposals to break with the federal government, each utilizing the federally-funded “We the People” online petitioning system. Created by the Obama administration as a way to encourage active participation in the democratic process, the administration promises to formally respond to any…