Golden Globes Snub Superheroes Yet Again

LOS ANGELES – The Hollywood Foreign Press Association on Sunday once again flipped the movie-going public the bird by failing to award a single Golden Globe to a film centered around a superhero or space alien. “I feel pretty crushed right now,” said director Joss Whedon, whose movie The Avengers did not win a single Golden Globe award despite earning over $620…

Nation Develops Pre-Traumatic Stress Disorder Over 2016 Election Coverage

WASHINGTON — In the wake of the presidential election, Americans across the nation prepared to breathe a sigh of relief together. Many felt secure, for the first time in months, that they could turn on their televisions or use the internet without being viciously and mercilessly assaulted by politics.  Unfortunately for those naive, almost tenderly hopeful Americans, Election 2016 coverage has already…

CNN to Outsource News to India

NEW YORK — In an effort to cut costs as well as fend competition from rivals MSNBC and Fox News, the Cable News Network (CNN) has begun outsourcing its news to India. Time Warner executives claim that local Indian broadcast stations are willing to produce compelling stories at a significantly lower cost than American outlets. CNN’s new initiative is projected to save…

Weekly Fast-Forward: The News Before It Happens

Politics: Biden to Hit Embarrassing Gaffe Grand-Slam COLUMBUS, Ohio — The Obama Campaign will be in damage control mode Tuesday after Vice President Joe Biden makes four humiliating gaffes in one public appearance—history’s first ever “Biden Slam.” After endorsing President “Barack Osama,” Biden will reportedly bow to a half- Korean journalist and give a lengthy description of a recent experience with ecstasy.…