A Travis County board of optometrists found that, while the Republican governor’s political maneuverings may have been extremely shortsighted, his vision is at least 20-20, if not 20-16.
“Yes, but at least we know what happened to that one. Also, and I cannot stress this enough, CNN isn’t giving the Hindenburg 24-hour coverage anymore.”
“Which is one reason why we’re putting him on a raft and sending him out to sea.”
I know, I know. You’ve seen the headlines. You know I’m in a bit of a pickle over here.
He reminds viewers to “Check local listings for airtimes of upcoming specials. Or, better yet, don’t look it up. Just trust us.”
“CNN Special Report: We’re Fuc*ed,” aired in primetime last night, a slot chosen to “spread the message far and wide,” according to Jeff Zucker, president of CNN Worldwide.
“You don’t have to hate someone to see their skin is the wrong color and to then take steps to round them up at gunpoint and kick them out of the country,” he said. “You just need to view them as less than human.”
“Reliable Sources” will be replaced with “I Think I Read Something on Twitter…,” Candy Crowley will host “Schizophrenic States,” and Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino of MTV’s “Jersey Shore” will cohost “The Situation Room” with Blitzer.
Hayden admitted that the experience has been a sobering one. “I feel so violated,” he said.
“Of course I’m not actually against a war. I’m against the war on my show, but if there is no war, I have nothing to be against, so I’m for the war! Make sense?”
CNN-BuzzFeed Team Up to Release Video ’19 Things That Bernard Shaw Said That Will Make You Feel Fat’
Scheduled to be released later this month on CNNBuzzFeed are the videos “What Cheeseburgers and PTSD Have in Common,” “26 Babies Angry About Nigeria’s Anti-Gay Policies” and “True Facts About the Collapse of Journalism.”
LOS ANGELES – The Hollywood Foreign Press Association on Sunday once again flipped the movie-going public the bird by failing to award a single Golden Globe to a film centered around a superhero or space alien. “I feel pretty crushed right now,” said director Joss Whedon, whose movie The Avengers did not win a single Golden Globe award despite earning over $620…
WASHINGTON — In the wake of the presidential election, Americans across the nation prepared to breathe a sigh of relief together. Many felt secure, for the first time in months, that they could turn on their televisions or use the internet without being viciously and mercilessly assaulted by politics. Unfortunately for those naive, almost tenderly hopeful Americans, Election 2016 coverage has already…
WASHINGTON — The FBI has recently announced a manhunt in an effort to track down balanced investigative journalism. Journalism was last seen fraternizing with Fox, CNN, and ABC in 1998, but has not been heard from since. Rumors abounded that Journalism was at MSNBC and Fox News, but a cursory investigation revealed that it was in fact only an imposter. The FBI…
NEW YORK — In an effort to cut costs as well as fend competition from rivals MSNBC and Fox News, the Cable News Network (CNN) has begun outsourcing its news to India. Time Warner executives claim that local Indian broadcast stations are willing to produce compelling stories at a significantly lower cost than American outlets. CNN’s new initiative is projected to save…
Politics: Biden to Hit Embarrassing Gaffe Grand-Slam COLUMBUS, Ohio — The Obama Campaign will be in damage control mode Tuesday after Vice President Joe Biden makes four humiliating gaffes in one public appearance—history’s first ever “Biden Slam.” After endorsing President “Barack Osama,” Biden will reportedly bow to a half- Korean journalist and give a lengthy description of a recent experience with ecstasy.…