Obama: “Michelle Uses The Veto Pen On Me All The Time”
“Who knows what this country would look like if I didn’t have Michelle to talk some sense into me with it every now and then”
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Congress
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Congress Mourns Sandy Hook Anniversary, Getting Things Done
“Apparently, those days are gone, and we thought it appropriate that we take some time to remember the time before we became completely impotent.”
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Congress Thankful for All the Work They Didn’t Do this Year
“Listen, we can’t set the bar too high,” said House Majority Whip Eric Cantor. “As long as we get some significant redistricting done in 2014, it’ll be a proud year, in my book.”
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Congress to Focus on Fundraising, Candy Crush until Next Budget Crisis
“All I wanna do right now is curl up on my office coach and totally zonk to Candy Crush for a few months,” Coburn admitted. “I figure I’ll be getting to level 200 just around the time we have to shut down the government again.”
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Fidel Castro Hires PR Firm to Prove He is More Likeable than Congress
HAVANA, Cuba — Determined to become more popular than the United States Congress, former Cuban dictator Fidel Castro has hired top PR firm Edelman to help show the American people…
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Moderation Retires from Senate, Cites Bullying
WASHINGTON — In an increasingly divisive political environment, it appears the toll on moderation has become too much to bear. Citing bullying, threats and a refusal by some senators to…
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Congress Throws $10m Party to Celebrate 8% Rise in Approval Ratings
WASHINGTON — The Senate and House of Representatives have green-lit plans for a lavish, luxurious $10 million party next week, in celebration of congressional approval ratings rising from 13% to…
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Congress Votes to Change Definition of “Bribery”
WASHINGTON – The Senate and House of Representatives voted this morning to radically alter the legal ramifications of “bribery” in an effort to exempt themselves, major lobbyists, and corporations from…
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