Cristiano Ronaldo To Writhe in Pain Until Americans Pay Attention to Soccer

Cristiano Ajax 4

MADRID — After scoring two goals against Celta Vigo on Sunday to help lead Real Madrid to its sixth consecutive victory, tragedy struck forward Cristiano Ronaldo when he suffered an undisclosed injury from a callous exclamation from an American tourist. “Hey Ronaldo! Shut up, you pussy!” shouted the unnamed assailant just as Ronaldo was celebrating his latest victory and taking questions from…