Drones Turn Against Obama, Seen Circling over White House

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WASHINGTON — A group of unmanned Predator Drones was spotted ominously circling high over the White House yesterday.  According to experts, the drones may be planning strikes against the president in retaliation for a speech he gave Thursday in which he announced that the United States would pursue a “narrower” drone strike strategy overseas. Late Thursday evening, personnel at the Bolling Air…

Obama Pledges to Increase Drone Transparency, Destructive Capabilities

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WASHINGTON — Stating that his words have been taken out of context by the media, President Obama has clarified that he intends to increase transparency surrounding drone strikes, making the unmanned aerial vehicles “almost entirely see-through.” The Predator and Reaper drone models most commonly used to kill terrorists in Pakistan are easy to detect by radar and only travel at about 100…

22 Sexy Ways to Avoid a Drone Strike

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Are you wondering about the best way to avoid getting killed by an MQ-9 Reaper drone with laser-guided munitions while also pleasing your man? Al-Qaeda’s nifty guide provided some pointers, but it wasn’t exactly romance-friendly. Here are some tips about how to stay alive while keeping your relationship hot. 1. Buy your boyfriend a Russian “sky-grabber” device to infiltrate drone frequencies. Then…

Drone Strike Accidentally Kills Al Qaeda Leader

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LANGLEY, Va. — U.S. officials are shocked that a recent drone strike actually killed its intended target, Al Qaeda’s deputy leader, Abu Yahya al-libi. “I don’t know what happened,” said CIA spokesperson James Petrie.  “We were aiming at him, and we hit him.  I don’t think any of us saw that coming.” Since 2004, the United States has launched hundreds of drone…