“Would a gay own or endorse a big, thick piece of blasting machinery such as this? I don’t think so.”
“Do you think we really care either way?” asked the executive. “He could have said that God hates panda bears and white children for all we care. We’re not throwing away fifteen million viewers a week because this guy has some unpopular opinions.”
Louisiana Lieutenant Governor Jay Dardenne today offered to cede control of his state to the cast of “Duck Dynasty,” whom Dardenne called “beacons of hope for Real America” and “more fit to govern than myself or any of my colleagues.”
“They spent a lot of time together. I’m not sure exactly what they did when they hung out, but whatever it was, Phil suddenly wanted to devour gay porn tapes like a monster,” said his friend.