Gallup Poll Finds That 48% of Americans Believe There Is An Election in November

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OMAHA, Nebraska — A recent poll from Gallup, Inc., has revealed that the vast majority of Americans are unsure as to when the presidential election will take place. Gallup, known for its persistent polling on political issues, but also for some vague polls such as the “Happiness” and “Suffering” series, inaugurated its newest poll during the week of October 19. The organization…

Fox News Unveils Brand New Reality Show Lineup

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NEW YORK – Fox News, the enormously successful organization best known for its “Fair and Balanced” approach and record setting ratings, has announced that all of its popular news programming will soon be replaced by new reality shows. When asked why a thriving organization would make such a surprising decision, President Roger Ailes told reporters, “Look, we have conquered the mountain that…

Obama, Romney Juicing the Stats on Unemployment

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WASHINGTON, D.C. — The fragile state of the American economy continues to be a focal point in this year’s electoral landscape. With a series of less than stellar job-growth reports in recent months, the Obama administration is doing all it can to pad the stats on unemployment. Rumors are spreading throughout the District that Obama has mobilized CIA resources to temporarily kidnap…

Romney Alludes to Book Of Mormon, Nearly Gets Broadway Vote

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NEW YORK – Gay actors and theatre lovers alike rejoiced this morning when Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney was quoted as saying that his biggest inspiration in life was “absolutely, without question, the Book of Mormon.” As the blogosphere and social media sites began to report the news, the gay community on Broadway reacted positively to Romney’s declaration of love for what…

Leaked Obama Video: “I didn’t know America took ‘Yes We Can!’ so literally”

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WASHINGTON, D.C. — Secretly-recorded video footage of President Obama was leaked on Friday morning, revealing the shocking truth behind the infamous “Yes We Can” and “Hope” mantras of his historic 2008 campaign. The footage, taken backstage at this year’s Democratic National Convention, depicts the president preparing for his speech while aides adjust his tie and his top campaign advisor, David Axelrod, converses…

Mitt Romney Does “The Vagina Monologues” in Desperate Attempt to Court Female Vote

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CLEVELAND — In an effort to appeal to women voters, many of whom have identified Mitt Romney as “chauvinistic,” “cold,” and “sterility inducing,” the GOP presidential hopeful plans to perform pieces from “The Vagina Monologues” at upcoming campaign stops. With this highly unanticipated move, Romney expressed hopes for voters to “get a chance to see me from a different angle. A lady…