Brutally Honest Horoscopes: Worst Dressed Nominee

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SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) This week: You’re on your own this week, because your guardian, Mars, is in the House of Pancakes. Love: That girl you’ll meet online? That girl to whom you’ll send a picture of your dick?  “She” is a morally ambiguous, morbidly obese IT guy from Minot. Career: Good news is delayed when your boss realizes he doesn’t have…

Brutally Honest Horoscopes

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Brutally Honest Horoscopes Mama like SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) This week: Saturn is in the realm of Pluto and it’s bordering on stalking. Love: Dating an older woman makes you sophisticated. Dating an older, older woman makes you a fetishist. Career: Combine work and social engagements by screwing your assistant on the copy machine. Money: A creative approach could net you more financially. So, walk backwards…

Brutally Honest Horoscopes

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Brutally Honest Horoscopes Hold On to Your Hat SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) This week: Mars challenges Venus in your house this week… to a game of Twister! Love: You’re less “Match.com” and more “Adult Friend Finder.” Career: Stop looking for work on Craigslist. You will get murdered. Money: Your financial situation is out of your control, especially if you are in a money-blowing machine at…

Brutally Honest Horoscopes

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Horoscopes You know what you do SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) This week: Dig deep to find what past experiences are holding you back. Once you do, quickly bury them in your subconscious, because, wow, did some weird shit happen to you! Love: If love is like oxygen, this week you will be brain dead. Career: Your boss is going to realize your aren’t sick…

Brutally Honest Horoscopes

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Brutally Honest Horoscopes Brace Yourself SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) This year: This is the year you stick to your resolutions! Because you didn’t make any! Love: February is not your love month… June is, so pass out your grade school valentines then; people will think it’s eccentric. And cute. Mostly eccentric. But that can also get you laid.  Then someone can say to her friends,…