“Mr. Zimmerman said he had been suspicious of the individual and wanted to ensure the safety of the neighborhood,” said the police spokesperson.
“I’m in the same position as Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton, where I’m pretty much just famous for being famous. No one knows how I got here.”
“That’s why I’m also planning on fighting a couple of domestic abuse victims in April.”
“This painting makes me weep when I see it,” Schjeldahl said. “It reminds me that, in our world, a man can kill an unarmed teenager and somehow still be out there, walking around free, painting dumb pictures. It’s tragic—and therefore quite beautiful.”
“What a character!” O’Neill said. “It takes guts to just barely get away with killing a kid, and then turn right around and threaten to kill your wife. It’s exactly that kind of maverick personality that TLC loves to feature.”
“George was running around, waving his gun like a madman, and telling me he was ready to ‘go all Trayvon’ on me,” said Shelia Zimmerman, who filed for divorce from her husband just last week.
“There are a lot of people out there who actually hate him, though they shouldn’t,” said O’Mara. “What they don’t realize is that George is Peruvian, not Mexican. Oh, and he totally didn’t murder that kid, or whatever.”
“This is a victory not only for George Zimmerman, but also for the system, and really all Americans,” said defense attorney Don West. “Well, some Americans.”
“Nobody ever talks about the Syrian civil war these days, so I guess those folks worked out their differences,”
“You eat when you’re under stress and pressure and stuff like that,” Jarrett agreed. “So, you know, he’s already been punished to some extent. We’ll wait and see whether a Jury punishes him further.”
A Fox News guest on Monday suggested that George Zimmerman’s lawyers will be able to argue that their client used reasonable force when he shot and killed Trayvon Martin, who was only carrying Skittles and a can of Arizona Iced Tea, because “you could kill somebody” with iced tea.
Anyways, since I heard about this wonderful, jiggly-tit loophole, I’ve been letting myself run a little wild at the ole’ feeding trough, and over the last few months, I’ve discovered a few tricks that I’d like to share with all you would-be murderers out there.
SANFORD, Fla. — George Zimmerman, the man accused of murdering Trayvon Martin last year, announced in court through his attorney that he was abandoning his “Stand Your Ground” defense plea and will instead base his defense on the fact that Martin was a black teenager. Zimmerman’s attorney, Mark O’Mara told Circuit Judge Debra Nelson, “Black teenagers–especially those wearing hoodies–are routinely shot and killed every…