White House: Obama “Kill List” Assembled via Pin the Tail on the Donkey

kill-list

WASHINGTON — In a statement released today, the White House revealed the process by which individuals are added to the so-called “Kill List,” a controversial list of suspected terrorists and insurgents who are singled out for extrajudicial assassination—rather than capture and prosecution—because of their perceived threat to national security. The process, which is being variously called “ludicrous” and “genius,” bears a striking…

Saudi Arabia Appoints Women to Parliament, Forbids Them from Doing Anything

MEDINA, Saudi Arabia – The Kingdom of Saudi Arabia announced today that for the first time in its history, the 150-member Shura Council, an advisory board for the Saudi monarch, will include 20 authority-less women. “It is important to reconcile Saudi Arabia’s traditional religious views with that of a modern economy” said King Abdullah at the unveiling of the new cabinet, which…

Bashar al-Assad Celebrates 60,000 Deaths by Razing One Very Special Village

DAMASCUS — Syrian President Bashar al-Assad presided over a ceremony celebrating the deaths of 60,000 of his own people this week. “We knew we had to do something really distinctive to commemorate this momentous occasion,” Syrian Vice President Farouk al-Sharaa told reporters on Monday. “So demolishing the small village of Salma is just the perfect fit. I can’t tell you how pleased…