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Barbara Lee: “Global Warming Could Lead To Prostitution, Only Solution Is Pot Legalization”

“A California congresswoman warns global warning will be so detrimental to poor women, it will drive them to prostitution. Rep. Barbara Lee, D-Calif., has re-introduced legislation that forces the government to address all “policies and programs in the United States that are globally related to climate change” through the lens of gender.

“Her resolution, “Recognizing the disparate impact of climate change on women and the efforts of women globally to address climate change,” asserts that long-term and catastrophic weather changes will result in drought and destructive weather events such as flooding, which could lead to food shortages, joblessness and disease, along with economic and political crisis on a regional scale.

“Since “women will disproportionately face harmful impacts from climate change, particularly in poor and developing nations where women regularly assume increased responsibility for growing the family’s food and collecting water, fuel and other resources,” the measure reads, they will be the most desperate and vulnerable, forced into situations, “such as sex work, transactional sex, and early marriage.”

“The picture that Lee, who has had a consistently high liberal voting record since she was elected to Congress in 1998, paints is grim. She says environmental crises will force women to migrate, often into refugee camps or other vulnerable circumstances, where they will have to scrounge for food and resources for their families. The resolution insists that the government should focus on poor women, as well as empower women to develop strategies to prepare for these eventualities. Lee first introduced the measure in 2013, but it was not enacted.

Speaking exclusively for Newslo, Lee stated that one of the measures that could help women deal with the devastating effects of global warming is legislation oriented towards legalizing marijuana across the United States.

“It’s clear as day,” Lee stated. “The benefits of marijuana have been known for years, which is one of the main reasons why it has been consistently used for various medical purposes. States like Colorado have already realized the benefits of making marijuana legal, and have set an example for other states.”

Asked how marijuana would help women cope with global warming, she said: “I’m surprised you would even ask me that. How does it help anyone deal with any other problem? It sends you into the stratosphere and makes you oblivious to the situation you’re in, duh.”


#NoNeedToSatirize: Beck ‘historian’ David Barton: Global warming has been over for 16 years

A so-called “historian,” who conservative radio host Glenn Beck has hired to teach at his online university, recently announced that global warming had not occurred for the last 16 years. During a discussion with Jenni White of Restore Oklahoma…

Politics Uncategorized

2012 Hottest Year Ever: Conservatives Call Discussion of Global Warming “Inappropriate at This Time”

WASHINGTON — The numbers are in: according to the National Climate Data Center, 2012 was officially the hottest in U.S. history. In light of this news, Democratic members of Congress are demanding an “open dialogue” regarding climate change issues, but are being met with significant resistance from the right.

“We firmly believe that now is not the time to question issues of ‘global warming’ or ‘climate change.’ There is a time and a place for those discussions, but it is not now — not after the debilitating heat of this previous year,” Republican congressman and climate change denier Paul Ryan reasoned at a recent press conference. “Now is the time for enjoying the cool winter weather and considering the cost of installing central air. Later, at a more appropriate moment, we can open those dialogues.”

Experts are also claiming that the U.S. experienced greater “climate extremes” in 2012 than in any other year since 1988, and many scientists suggest that this year is merely one data point in a larger pattern of global warming. Democratic Senator Barbara Boxer suggested that “we could utilize this climate event as a “see-change” moment, before, you know, the sea actually changes and the coastlines are flooded.”

While environmentalists are demanding that the U.S. government increase funds for renewable fuel research, move towards cap and trade legislation, and encourage greener home practices for individual citizens, the GOP claims such reactions are “inappropriate” and “untimely” in the wake of these climate-related findings.

“I think everyone affected by the extreme weather patterns and heat this year could use a little time to process this information,” Ryan explained. “I don’t think we really need to ‘address’ this issue directly, at least not for the time being. We should really wait until there haven’t been any climate events for quite a while before we begin a discussion of this caliber. Otherwise, it’s just not respectful to all those affected by the hurricanes, tornadoes, floods, and crop-killing dry summer heat.

Added Ryan, “Let’s not politicize this issue.”


Global Warming Really Just People Stealing Glacier Ice

GENEVA — The ice caps are melting, glaciers are shrinking and polar bears are dying, but it’s not because of global warming. A three-year investigation has found that thieves have been stealing glacier ice and selling it as exotic ice cubes on the black market.

Glacier ice has become a hot commodity in recent years for upscale bars and restaurants that want to ensure premiere customers continue returning. One ton of glacier ice sells for about $1,000 on the black market, and a whiskey on glacier rocks will cost you about $30 a glass.

Glaciers have been disintegrating three times faster than in the 1970s, according to the World Glacier Monitoring Service at the University of Zurich. Scientists there have also noted that the average glacier has melted 25 feet since 1997. It used to be believed that this rapid glacier disintegration was because of global warming, but it is actually thieves chipping off the top of glaciers to make a quick buck.

The three-year study conducted by the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change found that hundreds of glaciers from Greenland to Argentina have been struck by thieves, accounting for about 90% of glacier disintegration over the past 40 years. This means that glaciers have actually been melting at the same rate that they always have been, debunking several global warming theories.

“It seems to be that global warming isn’t true,” said outspoken environmentalist Al Gore. “I do believe that ice theft needs to stop immediately, but those whiskeys on glacier rocks are so damn good. The salt and liquor mix is simply delicious once it hits your lips.”

Similar sentiment about glacier theft is running rampant among officials across the globe.

“Glacier theft needs to stop,” said Interpol president Khoo Boon Hui. “But not until everybody tries a shot of Black Label served on iceberg chunks. Until then, we will turn a blind eye to this, and at least we now know that global warming isn’t real anymore.”