“I think every job interview should be able to start with ‘First question, do you kiss other men?’ and if he answers yes, you can just kick him out the door.”
Republican supports of secession are already crowdsourcing a number of options for a name of the new nation. The top choices so far include ‘The United State of Wisconsin,’ ‘Badgerland,’ and ‘The Republic of Cheese.’
“We’ve already had people like Nixon and Schwarzenegger running the state,” noted San Diego resident Kim Barclay. “I think California will survive a pro-rape administration.”
Alexander added that he was sure Tennessee had many positions black teenagers could fill if they worked for free, something with which the state has a history.
“They forced the President to kill Obamacare and replace it with the Affordable Care Act, they lowered taxes for the 1%, and they eliminated the Minimum Wage altogether.”
“All these government employees claim to love their country,” said House Majority Whip Kevin McCarthy. "We’re just giving them a chance to prove it. It’s a new world, and people can’t just take their jobs for granted. You have to show a desire to work.”
WASHINGTON — An inconsolable Republican Party wept openly today after having its heart ripped to shreds by President Barack Obama. The political party, most recently seen finding comfort in the…
CLEVELAND — In an effort to appeal to women voters, many of whom have identified Mitt Romney as “chauvinistic,” “cold,” and “sterility inducing,” the GOP presidential hopeful plans to perform…