GOP in Tears Over Obama, Feels ‘Used’ and ‘Trashy’

WASHINGTON — An inconsolable Republican Party wept openly today after having its heart ripped to shreds by President Barack Obama. The political party, most recently seen finding comfort in the arms of austerity, claimed Obama promised them the moon as he wined and dined them at the Jefferson Hotel on March 6, but has been less-than-attentive since. “He was so sweet and…

Mitt Romney Does “The Vagina Monologues” in Desperate Attempt to Court Female Vote

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CLEVELAND — In an effort to appeal to women voters, many of whom have identified Mitt Romney as “chauvinistic,” “cold,” and “sterility inducing,” the GOP presidential hopeful plans to perform pieces from “The Vagina Monologues” at upcoming campaign stops. With this highly unanticipated move, Romney expressed hopes for voters to “get a chance to see me from a different angle. A lady…