Gitmo Detainees Dying to Find Out What Happens Next

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GUANTANAMO BAY, Cuba – After President Obama stated yesterday that he plans on finally keeping his 2008 campaign promise to close the detention facility at Guantanamo Bay, the more than 160 prisoners at Gitmo are reportedly ‘dying’ to hear what the president has in store for them. The pledge comes as reports of suicide are rising at the prison and the most…

Guantanamo Bay Detainees Pretty Sure They’ll be Released Any Day Now

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WASHINGTON– Following President Obama’s inauguration ceremony on Monday, the 166 detainees currently being held at the Guantanamo Bay detention camp issued a statement saying they anticipate being released “pretty much any day now.” Obama has decried Guantanamo as a “sad chapter in American history” and repeatedly vowed to close the facility, but as of today it still remains open. “We understand that the…

White House Justifies Guantanamo Bay Renovation Costs

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WASHINGTON — Despite repeated promises to close and shutter the doors at the Guantanamo Bay Detention Center at the naval base of the same name, the Obama Administration has instead begun to head in the opposite direction, and has now approved a multimillion-dollar renovation for the aging facility. “This administration was built in part on a promise to stop the actions and…