Congo Remains Largely Unaffected by Horse Meat Scandal

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KINSHASA, Congo — In spite of an ongoing scandal in Europe, in which foods sold as containing beef and pork were found to be made largely from horse meat, President of the Democratic Republic of Congo Joseph Kabila assured his citizens that they would be entirely unaffected. “Our nation will meet many challenges in pursuit of a united Congo,” said President Kabila.…

Americans Concerned About Possibility of Horse Meat in Their Disgusting Foods

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NEW YORK — Following the revelation that traces of horse meat have been found in Burger King and IKEA’s European meat supply, some Americans are concerned the contamination might spread to their disgusting, factory-processed fast foods. Damon Lynch, a twenty-five-year old fast food enthusiast from Queens, New York, says that while Burger King and IKEA are undeniably icky places to purchase meat…