Congress Unanimously Thankful It Doesn’t Have Constitutional Power Over Chicago

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CHICAGO — In a rare act of bipartisanship, members of Congress from both political parties have agreed to ignore Chicago’s growing epidemic of violence, a course of action made all the more easily due to the Constitution’s limit on Federal powers. “It’s a challenge for us to agree on anything these days,” said House Speaker John Boehner. “But when it comes to Chicago’s…

Republicans Pass “Passive-Aggressive Violence Against Women” Act

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WASHINGTON — House Republicans, gloomy in the wake of the passage of the Violence Against Women Act, quickly regained their mojo and overwhelmingly passed the “Passive-Aggressive Act Against Women Act.” “This is an historic day for the Republican Party,” House Majority Leader Eric Cantor proclaimed. “Today, by reluctantly declaring that rape, murder, disfigurement and senseless beatings against women have no place in…