DARPA to Explore Military Applications of Sizzurp

ARLINGTON, Va. — According to a leaked memo circulating online, the United States will soon begin conducting research to explore potential military applications for Sizzurp, the drug-laced drink made popular by the hip-hop world. The memo, written by DARPA director Dr. Arati Prabhakar, explains the decision by saying that anything “powerful enough to almost kill Lil’ Wayne—a veritable typhoon of drug abuse—cannot…