Pakistani Radicals Apologize for Protesting “Innocence of Muslims” Instead of Katherine Heigl Films

KARACHI, Pakistan — “’Innocence of Muslims’ was blasphemous but ’27 Dresses’ is heresy so grave that it makes American homosexuality seem pious,” said a street protestor in Karachi upon being informed that Katherine Heigl was in fact still making movies. “I mean she did not completely ruin ‘Knocked Up’ but everything she has been in afterwards has been atrocious.” It is unclear…

Sanctions With Ahmadinejad

TEHRAN, IRAN — Greetings from Tehran! No, this isn’t a bearded Jake Gyllenhaal in his newest role. It is I, Mahmoud, live and in the flesh in my private bunker. Fear not: I have not taken to the bunker because I am in danger. I merely thought I saw a Jew, so I took refuge. As your people continue to tighten your…