Both Candidates Still Vying for Game-Changing Endorsements

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With the 2012 presidential election merely two weeks away, both Mitt Romney and Barack Obama have received a rapid influx of potentially game-changing endorsements, including: Todd Akin for Mitt Romney Political pundits were skeptical of how beneficial Missouri representative Todd Akin’s endorsement would be for Mitt Romney, given the recent controversy surrounding his claims about the rarity and consequences of “legitimate rape.”…

Romney Gives Yankees 5 Point Plan to Win ALCS

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BRONX, N.Y. – In a great display of magnanimity and generosity, Mitt Romney gave a speech directly to Yankees manager Joe Girardi this morning. Governor Romney prefaced the speech by reminding voters of how he won the Salt Lake City Olympics and of how his masterful strategic prowess can reinvigorate even the most dire of business situations.    “Well, I’ll tell you…

Biden Doing “P90X-press” in Preparation for VP Debate

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WASHINGTON — Vice President Joe Biden has reportedly begun a truncated version of the popular home workout plan P90X to ready himself for his upcoming debate with Republican vice presidential nominee Paul Ryan. Reports claim that Ryan, a vocal supporter and user of the P90X routine, has worried Biden with his youth, handsomeness, and physical fitness. The P90X plan is designed to…

Weekly Fast-Forward: The News Before It Happens

Politics: Biden to Hit Embarrassing Gaffe Grand-Slam COLUMBUS, Ohio — The Obama Campaign will be in damage control mode Tuesday after Vice President Joe Biden makes four humiliating gaffes in one public appearance—history’s first ever “Biden Slam.” After endorsing President “Barack Osama,” Biden will reportedly bow to a half- Korean journalist and give a lengthy description of a recent experience with ecstasy.…