John Kerry - NewsLo

Ceasefire in Middle East Extends to John Kerry’s Mouth

At press time, bombings and attacks had recommenced between the two sides, but John Kerry had not officially offered any insight, a rare victory for Israelis and Palestinians alike.

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India Refuses to Allow Sec. Kerry into Country without Cavity Search

“I deeply sympathize with the Indian government,” said a beleaguered and clearly concerned Kerry. “And while I truly detested my last colonoscopy, I am prepared to undergo the horror of a full-body cavity search in the spirit of strong international relations..

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World

Israelis and Palestinians Fund Syrian Rebels to Keep John Kerry Away

“I mean this is a man that published a picture of him wind surfing of the coast of Nantucket in order to connect with the average American,” Abbas vented, “can you imagine a more out of touch obnoxious move?”

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Politics

Kerry Argues for Constitutional Amendment Protecting ‘Right to Be Stupid’

WASHINGTON — While Secretary of State John Kerry’s admission to students in Berlin that in America “you have a right to be stupid if you want to be” was immediately…

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Politics

Study: GOP Senators Literally Drunk on Filibuster

WASHINGTON – According to a new study, Republican senators are now literally, physiologically drunk on power after years of using the so-called filibuster rule to block votes on bills they…

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