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Posts by tag

John Kerry

5 posts
  • Today's Headlines
  • World

Ceasefire in Middle East Extends to John Kerry’s Mouth

  • July 28, 2014
  • News Lo
At press time, bombings and attacks had recommenced between the two sides, but John Kerry had not officially offered any insight, a rare victory for Israelis and Palestinians alike.
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  • Today's Headlines
  • World

India Refuses to Allow Sec. Kerry into Country without Cavity Search

  • January 2, 2014
  • News Lo
“I deeply sympathize with the Indian government,” said a beleaguered and clearly concerned Kerry. “And while I truly detested my last colonoscopy, I am prepared to undergo the horror of a full-body cavity search in the spirit of strong international relations..
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  • World

Israelis and Palestinians Fund Syrian Rebels to Keep John Kerry Away

  • September 18, 2013
  • News Lo
“I mean this is a man that published a picture of him wind surfing of the coast of Nantucket in order to connect with the average American,” Abbas vented, “can you imagine a more out of touch obnoxious move?”
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  • Politics

Kerry Argues for Constitutional Amendment Protecting ‘Right to Be Stupid’

  • March 5, 2013
  • News Lo
kerry
WASHINGTON — While Secretary of State John Kerry’s admission to students in Berlin that in America “you have a right to be stupid if you want to be” was immediately…
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  • Politics

Study: GOP Senators Literally Drunk on Filibuster

  • February 15, 2013
  • News Lo
WASHINGTON – According to a new study, Republican senators are now literally, physiologically drunk on power after years of using the so-called filibuster rule to block votes on bills they…
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