At press time, bombings and attacks had recommenced between the two sides, but John Kerry had not officially offered any insight, a rare victory for Israelis and Palestinians alike.
“I deeply sympathize with the Indian government,” said a beleaguered and clearly concerned Kerry. “And while I truly detested my last colonoscopy, I am prepared to undergo the horror of a full-body cavity search in the spirit of strong international relations..
“I mean this is a man that published a picture of him wind surfing of the coast of Nantucket in order to connect with the average American,” Abbas vented, “can you imagine a more out of touch obnoxious move?”

WASHINGTON — While Secretary of State John Kerry’s admission to students in Berlin that in America “you have a right to be stupid if you want to be” was immediately seized upon as a gaffe, his sincerity became apparent as soon as the politician returned home and began pressuring lawmakers and citizens to push for a Constitutional amendment guaranteeing that very right…
WASHINGTON – According to a new study, Republican senators are now literally, physiologically drunk on power after years of using the so-called filibuster rule to block votes on bills they do not support. Filibustering—which prevents a vote from occurring by exploiting the Senatorial rule allowing lawmakers unlimited speaking time—has been used with unprecedented frequency in recent years, and GOP senators are now…