Dear Leader, Advice from Kim Jong-Un

Kim Jong-un, the leader of the DPRK – the wealthiest, most advanced and prosperous nation on Earth, answers our readers’ financial questions: Dear Leader, The stock market is at an all-time high, and I finally found a job after 3 years of unemployment. Should I invest all my extra earnings into stocks? – confused-yet-optimistic reader Dear Reader, Great question! Not as great…

North Dakota, North Korea Form ‘Union of Norths and Glorious Abortion Controllers League’

PYONGYANG — North Dakota Governor Jack Dalrymple has approved the high level diplomatic relations between the U.S. and Kim Jong-un’s Democratic People’s Republic of Korea (DPRK). The governor’s announcement came only a week after the Dalyrymble signed three historic abortion-restricting bills into law on March 26. The two states, North Dakota and North Korea, have united to form the ‘Union of Norths…

North Korea Declares ‘No-Backsies’ if Nuclear War Occurs

North Korea

OSAKA, Japan – Following a series of verbal jousting between the governments of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, or North Korea, and the United States of America, North Korean leader Kim Jong-un has declared the  “no-backsies” rule to be in effect in the event of a nuclear war between his country, America and its allies. “North Korea retains its first strike…

Americans Fear Kim Jong-un’s Plan to Attack United States, but Just Can’t Resist Those Chubby Cheeks

Kim_Jong_Un

PYONGYANG — North Korea’s latest threats against the international community, and the United States in particular, have left many worried whether the rogue nation might actually follow through on an attack. But while the vast majority of Americans agree that they find the prospect of a nuclear North Korea with long-range rocket capabilities harrowing, many just can’t resist Supreme Leader Kim Jung-un’s…