Millions of Average Americans Vow to Never, Ever Forgive Lance Armstrong

NEW YORK — “I don’t think I can ever forgive him for what he did,” said Bill Souther, a 36-year-old accountant from Queens, NY who once watched some of the ’98 Tour de France. Souther’s condemnation is echoed by millions Americans in the wake of Lance Armstrong’s fall from grace and his taxing Oprah ‘confession.’ The cyclist is now overwhelmingly considered a despicable…

Weekly Fast-Forward: The News Before It Happens

Politics: Biden to Hit Embarrassing Gaffe Grand-Slam COLUMBUS, Ohio — The Obama Campaign will be in damage control mode Tuesday after Vice President Joe Biden makes four humiliating gaffes in one public appearance—history’s first ever “Biden Slam.” After endorsing President “Barack Osama,” Biden will reportedly bow to a half- Korean journalist and give a lengthy description of a recent experience with ecstasy.…