He complained that the new policy “takes all the romance out of everything” and that if he’d had to wait for women to agree, he wouldn’t have had any sex in college.
“Americans need to wake up from their government-induced stupor and fight for the freedom to get a rush the only way they know how,” said Limbaugh. “Besides, old habits die hard.”
Limbaugh said his new show will be a mix of read-alongs, repetitive rhyming songs, and clowns.
“He wants your money, and he’s trying to use jackbooted UN thugs to pry it away from you,” warned Limbaugh.
However, Limbaugh said that he would not lead the charge in people killing themselves as “that’s what Obama and Democrats would want,” and explained that he is “going to stay alive just to fight for everyone that died protesting Obamacare.”
“My only advice to you, Riley Cooper, is that you don’t pronounce the “r” at the end,” concluded Limbaugh. “Apparently that makes it worse to them. Even when you’re at a country music concert.”