Sanctions with Ahmadinejad

You silly, silly white people. You thought your little Mittens would become the next president, call up Benny “I Once Slept With a Transsexual Prostitute Who Stank of Pork” Netanyahu, and launch a fleet of Israeli nukes at me? It’s not that I didn’t want Rom-com to win — on a personal and not a political level of course. (Side-note: “Bridget Jones:…

Um, Hi, Remember Me?

It would appear that the ungrateful infidels in American media outlets have forgotten yours truly. When was the last time you saw my name headlining primetime news? My advisors tell me those heathen presidential candidates barely even mentioned me in the debates! As if there is any more pressing issue in this country than my dangerous proclivity for beige suits, my utter…